Kelly Worrall's story: the costs and the courage of coming out
TRANS / Why one trans woman is presenting male again
Robin Perelle and Angelina Cantada / Vancouver / Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Share |

When Kelly Worrall took off her men’s clothes for what she expected would be the last time in 2011, she felt free.

“It was very liberating to be able to give myself the opportunity to be who I needed to be in the moment,” she says. “For 37 years I've played by the rules and I’ve done everything I was supposed to do, and it didn’t make me happy. I still felt trapped inside.”

As a seven-year-old, Worrall wished she had been born a girl. She wanted to wear long skirts and grow up to be a tall, beautiful woman. But it was the 1980s, and transitioning back then was barely an option on most people’s radar. So she repressed her feminine self. Until she couldn’t anymore.

Coming out gave her permission to be her true self, she says.

Now, after two years of living full-time as a woman, she is presenting again as a man. Does this make her any less trans? No, she answers without hesitation.

This is her story.





Kelly Worrall


Read Robin Perelle's editorial on Kelly's story here.


Share |


Reader Comments


 
Love this!
It's so lovely to see you smile - not a male or female smile, just you. :)
Amy Boyd, Cedar Park Texas
02/20/13 8:20 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Respect
I would like to know to what extent John-Kelly had psychological or psychiatric therapy before and after transitioning. No mention was made in the interview. But respect, being openly transgender in the sense of presenting both genders is certainly a brave act for a person living in a middle class community.
Jane Thomas, Volkach am Main Bayern
02/21/13 4:23 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Thanks
Story was well done, thanks!
Jeanette, Frederick USA
02/21/13 5:13 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Another one
This is just another example of how someone who feels repressed by social and societal norms takes the ill advised step of transitioning when in fact s/he should not have done so in the first place. The use of the a perceived "medical justification" to facilitate different expression will never solve the problem. It is an authenticity problem and leads people to jump from the fire into the frying pan and back again.
Kathryn Dumke, Bridgewater NS
02/21/13 11:17 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
an important lesson for men
I, too, admire Kelly's courage and determination. I think that if more cisgendered men like him were willing to "take a walk on the wild side," there would be far more understanding, tolerance, and sympathy for the plight of transsexuals.
rosa s. levy, Vancouver BC
02/21/13 8:23 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
I can relate, oh brave one!
Way to be brave, Kelly/John! I can relate, only I was born "female" and took T and dressed "male" to attempt to present as male - it was awesome, a huge relief, but i didn't pass and didn't feel healthy on T - i now present as mostly female but still feel like a guy inside the majority of the time. Thanks for your brave interview and for putting yourself out there - ignore the haters and the ignorant ones, you're brilliant and beautiful and your courage is a shining star in this messed up world. much respect.
ez, portland OR
02/22/13 4:32 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
I'll support your choice, friend.
I'm shocked that no one else commenting here seems saddened by your situation, friend. You've clearly stated you are trans but can't handle the challenges that accompanied your coming out and living as a visible trans woman. I don't know how rosa s. levy could dare refer to you a "cisgendered m[a]n" after watching this video where you blatantly state that you are still trans. What I wonder, is will people reading and watching this realise why you've had to make these challenging decisions? Will they realise it's not because your identity has shifted but that it's about survival and needing to calm those those stare and discriminate? More importantly, will those that stare stop staring at those of us that are still trying to wear clothes that they may think we shouldn't? I understand why you're currently living in the clothes you are now, friend. I am so saddened that this is what you need to do to survive. So saddened that this is the current reality for you. However, I will support you doing what you need to do to survive, no matter what it is. Indeed, I will support you, friend.
Corey, Vancouver BC
02/22/13 6:32 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
no judgement
Whether it's because a person's identity shifts over time, or they are simply responding the best way they can to the utterly unfair and often brutal levels of intolerance and outright violence they face (or even to the likes of some of the commenters here), or for any other reason, i support whatever you, me, and any other trans person needs to do to take care of ourselves and stay on this planet another day. There are many in the trans community and beyond who will not judge your path, but who will respect your autonomy, grieve the unfair choices you have to make, and wish you nothing but personal power, peace, and compassion, whatever you need to do, in whatever real or perceived order or chaos in which you need to do it. All the best.
romham, vancouver British Columbia
02/22/13 8:50 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Net gender displacement: NIL
If I understand this correctly, we are expected to applaud and support anyone who declares themselves trans even if their net displacement is zero and they're back in the so-called presentation of their birth. In other words, you can be trans if you were and still are a man. Which part did I get wrong?
Joe Clark, Toronto ON
02/23/13 3:32 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
the FTM experience
I've got no problem with John/Kelly telling his/her story, and I feel sympathetic about what he/she is going through. However -- and I am MTF myself -- I think his/her experience is highly atypical. That she sees himself/herself as being desirous and able -- albeit under great stress -- to cycle between life as a woman and the experience of masculine privilege is something alien to most of us. Although I was not, playing at masculinity, perpetually miserable, I hated it. The sports bar, for example -- all these sites and accoutrements of masculine belonging -- are scenes of abjection, avoided no matter what the cost and experienced with terror. For many of us, this is a matter of life and death, not a tricky set of overlapping rules to be negotiated and mastered. Again, I think John/Kelly has a compelling and sympathetic story. But I think it misses some important aspects of the experience of masculinity for many or most of us, and I'm sorry Xtra seems to have offered it here as, apparently, an archetype. You could do a lot better if you really understood or cared about including and representing the trans/genderqueer community.
Marcia Field, Agassiz BC
02/24/13 2:20 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
jOE FOR PUBLISHER-IN-CHIEF
I think it's time Joe Clark was either hired on as editor or given the helmship of a publication since he gets quickly to the questions that nobody else seems to be asking. This tendency not to challenge or question, but just to act as a conduit makes Xtra seem more like a support group pamphleteer than a publisher of journalism. The point of an lgbt publication is not that the tough questions don't get asked of our own. It ought to be that the questions DO get asked, but that the interviewer is informed about the subject area and knows where to push and prod and how to be as respectful as possible while still answering those questions that are left hanging. It isn't disprespectful to ask tough questions, in fact, you do your subject an honour by treating them like grown-ups who are responsible for their lives and who are after all putting themselves out there to make a point. As with the KKK article, so much more could have been made of this story. What a waste. What a loss of potential to educate or illuminate.
nADINE OBERMAN, TORONTO ON
02/24/13 3:13 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Are you serious?
On what bizarre upside down planet is this story being even remotely presented as some kind of archetype? Certainly not this one. You do know what "archetype" means, right Marcia? And Joe "The Troll" Clark for editor? I thought that was funny, N.O., until it became clear you were serious. Bottom of the barrel? Reached and thoroughly scraped.
Anonymous, Vancouver B.C.
02/25/13 3:52 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Define your terms, kiddo
I say what I think, I try to be logically consistent while doing so, and I always sign my own name. Whatever that is, it sure as shit isn’t “trolling.”
Joe Clark, Toronto ON
02/25/13 10:30 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Still trans, still part of our community
Being a visible transsexual woman means being out all the time, to everyone, while belonging to a social category which is subject to *brutal* persecution. By not presenting as female, is she less trans? Consider - there are very few gay cisgendered people who are out all the time and to everyone - at the grocery store, at the construction site, in the hospital, etcetera, etcetera. Does that make them less gay? Kelly is not out as female and trans all the time and to everyone. This does not make her any less trans or female or however she identifies or will identify. It does, however, make her feel a lot safer. If that's what she needs to live well, then more power to her. And maybe when we improve our society, she will experience a broader range of options.
Amy Fox, Vancouver BC
03/04/13 7:29 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Thank you Xtra and Kelly/John!
Detransition is a topic not often talked about in either trans* circles or in mainstream discussion. I am so thrilled that this interview brings to the forefront a chance to have an open discussion about a subject that truly needs talking about. Detransition happens, it doesn't mean the person isn't trans* or didn't get proper medical assistance prior to transition. It means something in their journey is now differing from the "norm" of most tranistional journeys. It doesn't make the choice to detransition or to present differently "wrong" or "right. It means that an incredibly strong person is doing what they require to be healthy and happy. What the devil is wrong with that? Thank you to Robin and to Kelly/John for having the courage to bring this story to the public and educate us all.
Erich Eide, NEW WESTMINSTER BC British Columbia
03/05/13 5:28 AM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
This Story is Troubling
After watching this video a number of times and reading comments left by others I'm left feeling very troubled. First yes gender can be fluid and the trans moniker was created to allow everyone a home. The issue though is that Kelly Whorrall or John set himself up as a leader of the community and when you are viewed as such you have a duty and responsibility to mentor younger trans people. By flipping around from being out and announcing yourself as transsexual and than reverting back to being male including growing a beard to prove your maleness to me this doesn't inspire confidence and is an abdication of leadership. While Kelly is free to live a more privileged class as he did before transitioning to female I would hope that he refrin from setting himself up as a representative of the transsexual community since he is not. There are many in the transsexual community who lead very successful and productives lives and it is these individuals who are the true pioneers, leaders and mentors in our community.
JamieLee, Vancouver BC
03/05/13 8:03 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
JamieLee is troubling..
JimmyLee, get off your soapbox. You're just upset because it's getting tougher for you to get any attention. It's not as though you are exactly an upstanding citizen of Vancouver. Leave people alone!
Katie Price, Vancouver BC
03/09/13 5:33 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Actually, no, once you detransition, that’s it
I assume that even endlessly-put-upon transgenders took vector algebra in school and understand that –1 + 1 = 0. If you detransition you detransition. You have reversed and undone the process. “Trans” is not meant to be a scarlet letter branded onto your (apparently ever-changing) body irrespective of what you do. As it stands right now, Kelly Worrall is a man and exactly nothing more or less than that.
Joe Clark, Toronto ON
03/11/13 1:40 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.
Well Said
I would like to re-post a comment I found very good, and try to explain it in my own words: Kelly/John is and always will be a transgender person and if you follow his/her life: This is not how it ends: as male (in public appearance), and even if it does, Kelly/John will never fully embrace being "male", as she never has before. She is just playing the game of survival, because expressing herself as she wants to, was not accepted in society and continually questioned. It was too painful for her to continually try and show the world her inner identity and have it rejected, or questioned. So, she is choosing to hide her identity as she did all her life. But since she identifies as a woman consistently, this will not change. As the sincere person that she appears to be: I'm sure all of her close friends and future lovers will be told by her, what her inner identity is, even if she doesn't wear it on her sleeve every moment. And who knows: when the time is right, there may be another public change of appearance from her: people will notice it and call it "transition". The transition she has gone through so far is one of self acceptance and outward exploration. For more, read the prior post by: Amy Fox, Vancouver BC
Mara M, Jeffeson TWP. NJ
04/13/13 10:54 PM EST
Report this comment to moderator.