Gay Ottawa teen takes own life
NEWS / 'How do you even know it will get better?'
Noreen Fagan / Ottawa / Monday, October 17, 2011
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"I am tired of life really. It's so hard, I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore," wrote Jamie Hubley on Oct 14. "I don't want to wait three more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know it will get better? It's not."
15-year-old Jamie Hubley, seen here with his father, Alan Hubley, commited suicide on Oct 14.
(XTRA FILES)

That was Hubley's last post before the 15-year-old committed suicide on Oct 14. He was the son of Ottawa Councillor Allan Hubley of Kanata South.

On his blog, Hubley wrote, "I'm not really anything special, just depressed, I wish I could be happy, I try, I try, I try...I just want to feel special to someone. Im gay?!"

Messages on Twitter and his Facebook tribute page, set up by friends on Oct 15, hint that Hubley may have been the victim of homophobic bullying.

One group of Hubley's friends teamed together to raise awareness. They have ordered rainbow bracelets with the words "Acceptance" and "RIP Jamie Hudley" inscribed on them. Other Facebook postings comment on Hubley's singing talents, his friendly manner and his openness to people.

In one message, the writer apologizes to Hubley: "I am so very sorry, you deserved nothing but the best, and a little message to who ever made fun of James, he wasn't a bad person, he never did anything to harm you, I encourage all of you to sit back and take a minute to realize that everybody is an equal, it doesn't matter whether you're kind of weird, or gay."

In Hubley's final blog posting, he thanked his family and friends and listed his favourite singers (Adele, Katy Perry, Jessie James and Christine Aguilera) before writing, "but to the people who didn't like me (many) a big fuck you."

Jeremy Dias is executive director of Jer's Vision. The organization works to address bullying and discrimination in schools and youth communities.

"We are deeply saddened by this; we are planning to work with the school and the community following this incident," he says. "However, it is a reminder to educators to let programs like Jer's Vision into schools before this happens, as opposed to after."

Hubley was a student at AY Jackson Secondary School in Kanata, where he started a rainbow alliance club for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth and their allies.

In 2010 the number of teen suicides because of homophobic and transphobic bullying garnered worldwide attention.

The It Gets Better campaign – which Hubley referenced in his last blog post – was launched as a result of the suicides. To date, more than 25,000 people have submitted videos telling youth that life does get better. The latest teen suicide because of bullying happened in September, when Jamey Rodemeyer, from Buffalo, took his life.

According to Dias, Jer's Vision is aware of 14 youth in Canada who have committed suicide as a direct result of anti-gay bullying. The agency is organizing people to wear purple on Oct 20 to show their support for ending harassment of teens in schools.


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Reader Comments


 
Act Now
Jeremy Dias is the Executive Director of Jer's Vision. The organization works to address bullying and discrimination in schools and youth communities. ====================================== Seriously Jeremy stop flapping your gums and do something. You spend too much time with political pusturing and talking about what you can do and you don't do anything. I've yet to see your programms gain traction.
Mr. Big, Ottawa ON
10/17/11 10:39 AM EST
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Are we doing enough?
Have we failed youth today? If we look at the bigger picture, not just being gay, have we not failed today's youth by ignoring mental illness? Too many kids suffer from mental illness and it goes unchecked. Maybe we need to take on the bullies and their issues? There is something fundamentally wrong with bullies. A suspension or a punishment does not solve their attacks on students. Bullies tend to have the same social un acceptance as those they attack. Left unchecked, they become work place bullies in their adult life. We all have that difficult co worker or manager. Some digging in their past would probably reflect a pattern. Ottawa is flooded with programs from YSB, PTS, Jer's Vision yet everyone seems to be talking to each other. It's great to stand up and say you are going to do something to help curb or resolve bullying in schools, be it straight or gay, but actually doing something is much more difficult and requires allot of work. I'm just not seeing it.... We need to talk less and take more action. Every day that goes by another Jamie Hubley takes his life.
Gary Leger, Ottawa ON
10/17/11 11:24 AM EST
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Teachers need to "Make It Better"- NOW!
This tragedy can be prevented when people move away from the "It Gets Better" message to the "Make it Better" one. Queer teens should not have to wait until graduation for life to improve. Educators don't need external programs like Jer's Vision to come in and tell them what to do. They actually just need to work with ETFO and OSSTF (their teacher unions) to begin putting school wide programs in place which support LGBTQ and gender variant youth. Systemic change begins with changing systems, not by having speakers coming in from the outside. We already KNOW the problem. Educators just need to collectively take ACTION.
James Chamberlain, Vancouver BC
10/17/11 11:42 AM EST
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It Gets Better Not Good Enough
Ever since the "It Gets Better" campaign started, I've believed that it's not good enough. Telling young kids that we know their time in school is rough, but "just tough it out and things'll get better", is not the solution. The fact of the matter is that the REAL solution is making schools safe and supportive - not later, NOW! Th reason kids get discouraged, like Jamie Hubley, is because the 2 or 3 years 'till they get out of school is an impossible length of time to survive. Many of them can't face just the next day! This is why the government, the school boards and individual schools have to ramp up anti-bullying programs, and keep the promises to establish Gay-Straight Alliances (or something like them) in every school. In my community it's not just the catholic schools that don't have GSA's. Youth say that principals discourage them because they're "political" or maybe it's just because they're not comfortable.
Norm Rickaby, Belleville Ontario
10/17/11 11:46 AM EST
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Yes, We Need to Make it Better Now!
I agree with James' comments. It's not that the work of groups like Jer's Vision aren't valuable and welcome. They are. However, it is true that educators have the resources and in Ontario - the policy - in place to support LGBTQ and gender variant youth. We can make our schools safer, more welcoming places for all students to learn. And we can do it now!
Jane Bouey, Vancouver BC
10/17/11 11:57 AM EST
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Ottawa Services
To the 2 most recent commenters below, I encourage you to come fourth with what you feel that you have done personally to combat bullying and harassment towards LGBT youth in our community. When I was younger, PTS was a place where I could feel acceptance and encouragment from older members of the LGBT community. They taught me to deal with bullying and harassment better than I could have ever taught myself. Have you recently volunteered with PTS' Creating Safter Spaces program? If not, how can you be committed to the idea that these programs are "all talk"? This program deals DIRECTLY with school administration, faculty, and students. It's not up to them which schools they work with - that's a choice for the schools themselves. I find it extremely discouraging and even a little bit disgusting that this youth felt he had to take his life, and strangers are blaming the only programs that try to help. The last tool we should be using in this crisis is ignorance. I encourage everyone to come out and volunteer for all these AMAZING services and see what they do, instead of saying that they could do more.
Sara Robertson, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 11:59 AM EST
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bullies
I think it's weird to talk about "bullies" as if they were a specific group of people. Bullying is a behaviour. Some kids might be chronic bulliers, but it's a behaviour, not a title. I remember being in elementary school and so many people would employ bullying behaviour at various times in their lives, even me. I think it was from a general childish lack of empathy and low self esteem that allowed the behaviour to exist and flourish. So all that to say, I think we should be focusing more on teaching kids empathy and about other cultures and lives. I do not think there is much to be gained in just targetting to the bullies.
Cait, Ott On
10/17/11 12:00 PM EST
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we need a Minister of Education with a backbone
We were making huge strides in this area with Kathleen Wynne. Then we got Leona Dombrowsky who won't even make a comment on GSA's or the Equity and Inclusive Education Policy. I agree, "It Gets Better" was a good start, but enduring hate and ridicule in the Education system for 4 years IS NOT a solution. it simply allows the cancer to continue. Here's hoping we get a better Minister this year.
Barry Bedford, Whitby ON
10/17/11 12:03 PM EST
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edit
Sorry, that comment should have read "to the first 2 commenters above"
Sara Robertson, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 12:05 PM EST
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HOPE for a DIFFERENT future
Yet another young life taken so tragically!! When!!! WHEN will we all stop turning a blind eye and help our most valuable legacy, our children/youth. Why must they feel they must endure this on their own; why must they feel that no one cares or understands. School are not doing enough!! They must step up and allow people like Dias into the schools to talk to children before it is too late. Sex was never discussed in school, now children have sex ed class and teen pregnancy has dropped. I have been touched by this tragedy in ways that I never thought that I would have. A dear friend of mine lost her son in Feb 2011 and I watch a Brady bunch family deal with an unspeakable reality and To hear my 7 year old say "Mom why would he do that to his family didn't he love them?" and to look at him and respond " Honey, I don't know I don't have all the answers." Wake up people!! we need to stop the death, the toll is too high for us all! My thoughts and prayers are with the Hubley family with whom Jamie has left behind!!! May you find strength where you feel you have none. RIP Jamie you are now in the loving arms of God!
Mary-Ann Sauve, Ottawa ON
10/17/11 12:05 PM EST
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thanks Sara, James, Norm and Jane
Thanks for standing up to the trolls about what work ACTUALLY needs to get done and what already IS. I used to work in collaboration with PTS a little bit when I lived in Ottawa a while back and their youth group was frigging HUGE! I'm so glad to hear that there's even more going on with them. There's lots of services and programs, because there's a LOT of work to be done. I'm glad to see some people standing up for those who are bothering to do it.
Mikiki, Toronto ON
10/17/11 12:21 PM EST
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Investigation needed...
This story is tragic and maddening. There needs to be a formal investigation by the Ministry of Education and possibly by the police into the learning environment at Jamie Hubley's school. We need to know how a seemingly bright and gifted teen could be pushed to suicide due to ongoing homophobia and bullying at his school. If this had been a sports team hazing incident or a drunken grad night accident, there would be all kinds of attention focused on it. This child's death, in part, is due to the horrific time he spent in our publicly-funded education system. I want to know, in no uncertain terms, what is going to be done to start fighting homophobia and bullying in our schools. This happened in Premier McGuinty's backyard - time for action and not words. **************** I also fully support Mr. Big's comments: Xtra needs to stop going to Jeremy Dias to comment on stories like this. There are many others who are far better placed and more qualified to speak for our community than Jer's freakin' Vision. Jeremy's organization has done precious little to advance its anti-homophobia agenda and his interventions at various public meetings have often shown him to be misinformed or simply self-serving.
Shawn, Ottawa ON
10/17/11 12:39 PM EST
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This is about mental illness...
I feel that the discussion about bullying is missing the point. Bullying is terrible and surely contributed to this and many other suicides. But Jamie didn't take his life because of bullying. He took his life because he was ill - mentally ill. I don't pretend to know all the details about what happened. But I do know that suicidality is a symptom of depression and other mental illnesses. Could the bullying have been the cause of Jamie's mental illness? Certainly, and it is absolutely something worth focusing our efforts on. But more important is asking why Jamie didn't get help. If Jamie had his arm broken, he would have been taken to the hospital. He would have been treated by doctors, cared for by friends and family, and monitored closely to ensure the bones were setting properly. Instead, Jamie, like me, had his brain broken. And instead of being treated like the disease it is, instead of being carefully watched by doctors and friends and family, he didn't get the help he needed - or at least he didn't get enough help. Mental health is not discussed in school. This needs to change. Teens need to know how to recognize the signs and symptoms, and they need to know what to do. How many teens - or adults for that matter - would call 9-1-1 if they thought a friend was on the verge of committing suicide? And yet it is a medical emergency. And there is a dearth of information available for those suffering mental illness. Advice such as "get the help you need" abounds. But what help do I need? How do I get it? How do I admit what's wrong? etc. etc. Those questions just aren't answered. "Just hang in there; it gets better" isn't enough. Jamie was strong. He hung in there as long as he could. But he was ill and he succumbed to his illness because he didn't get treatment. Jamie didn't kill himself; neither did bullying . Mental illness killed Jamie. We need to acknowledge this and have an adult discussion about it. End bullying, yes. But end men
Sarah, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 1:06 PM EST
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Ditto
There's piss-poor access to help. Educators and the Province (that has cut school budgets so deeply) need to think deeply about the support they're providing to the children in their care. I's also like third or fourth the sentiments of Shawn and Mr Big. Jeremy Dias may not be a bad person but his "charity" seems to be entirely about Jeremy Dias and hasn't done a demonstrable thing that I've ever become aware of. Xtra should be talking to locals with a proven track record of helping the community.
Eric, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 1:25 PM EST
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Perhaps...
Perhaps if Ottawa had say a homohop like Toronto does or PUMP/TEAZE which they have in the Quinte (Belleville/Trenton) area. Jamie's depression and longing for love could have been avoided. The homohop started back in the 90's at the University of Toronto is an all ages dance event/gathering for LGBT youth and their supporters. Pump/Teaze was started by some of the LGBT youth in the Quinte region and despite venue setbacks it still thrives. I think that the LGBT community of Ottawa should get together and do something like a homohop, Pump/Teaze so that the LGBT youth of the NCC have somewhere safe that they can go and be themselves and not have to worry about being bullied or called names etc. Somewhere they will feel wanted and needed and appreciated.
Rodrick, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 1:37 PM EST
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Criminalize bullying
The only way to address this through punishment at law for inciting the suicide of anyone, let alone a young person, let alone a young LGBT person. Incitement to murder is already a crime, so it's short step to do the same for incitement to self-murder. Restorative justice should include the bullies meeting with the bereaved friends and families of those whom they drove to suicide, to account for their actions.
Derek Williams, Edinburgh Scotland
10/17/11 2:27 PM EST
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Take a look around your life
I can't influence the past, so finger pointing is not a good use of my time. I did not get to meet Jamie, and this is not how I would want to get to know him. I would have wanted to get to know him by having the opportunity to talk to him, and more importantly, to listen to him. Take a look around your lives for people who feel like Jamie and talk to them, listen to them, help them to the place where they see an encouraging future. It is there. My life changed through someone's random act of kindness. Jamie, I wish I had known you and had the opportunity to listen.
Dean, McCuaig Ontario
10/17/11 2:50 PM EST
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Fight Bullying with AFFIRMATION
Here is how teens and even younger can be taught to fight bullying of ALL KINDS... Teach them the opposite eg. AFFIRMATION. Here is article from local paper how one of our High School did it. Get it at your school ASAP! 'Teens stomp out bullying with affirmation' http://tinyurl.com/3sntu6g
Lee Dorsey, San Luis Obispo California
10/17/11 3:07 PM EST
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re: Sarah
Sarah I completely agree, when queer teens kill themselves its often a combination of depression, or some other mental illness/problem, & bullying, usually not just bullying alone. I was very suicidal when I was a teenager even though I hadn't actually been bullied for being queer, though I was pretty traumatized by all the lies I had been told about what it meant to be gay at that time before the internet. It was a very toxic anti-queer environment I grew up in. A big part of the reason I was suicidal was a combination of those two factors that lead eventually to an addiction to opiate painkillers when I realized they could numb my mental/emotional pain & make me feel like someone else because I hated myself so much back then for being gay. Ironically that addiction likely saved my life as I stopped trying to kill myself after then, though it nearly killed me several times over the next 20 years, I'm now over 3 years sober & on methadone, they've been the best 3 years of my life so far. However the really big problem is that teens do not know that they have a mental health problem/illness, they are just learning about themselves, they do not know what is normal and what is a problem in terms of mental health, at least I had no idea I had severe depression/anxiety until I was diagnosed in my mid 20's, I was surprised as hell to hear that I had a mental illness but also deeply relieved that it was an illness & not just personal failings on my part. It takes an adult who has much more experience to recognize mental health problems in teens/children. But too often parents are in denial or don't recognize the signs themselves & if they do there is still that massive stigma against having mental health problems so some think it'd be cruel to send their child to get help thinking it will expose them to ridicule & bullying & that their child will grow out of it. Some survive to get help on their own, others do not and die from suicide or serious
Rich, Toronto Ontario
10/17/11 4:49 PM EST
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re: Sarah pt 2
I think its critically important that we start teaching about mental health problems/illnesses in grade school. We need teach children that mental health problems/illness are nothing to be ashamed of as well how to recognize if they or a friend may have a mental health problem/illness and help them recognize the difference between normal everyday ups and downs in mental well being that are normal and natural and not to be worried about and when such problems either become so severe or last so long that they do need help. Children and teens should feel very comfortable talking to their Drs and parents about any concerns they may have about their mental well being. It may be perfectly normal or it may be a problem/illness, we cannot expect young people just learning about themselves to recognize the difference. Of course we would also need a massive expansion in our mental healthcare system geared especially for young people than what tiny little bit currently exists in most areas. Saving the lives of our young ones is worth it and the earlier a problem/illness is detected the more productive the treatment with longer lasting positive results. This would also greatly reduce not only the stigma around mental health problems/illnesses but also prevent many serious addictions. It would also greatly benefit young people who are being abused, either sexually, physically, or mental/emotionally. A very large majority of opiate addicts became addicts trying to cope with some sort of abuse in their lives. Of course its also critically important that we get expanded sex ed that teaches the truth about LGBTQ people in grade schools with more expanded courses in high school, plus every sort of anti-bullying measure that may help reduce bullying. Plus we need an huge expansion of addiction treatment that meets the needs of youth, queer people, and other unique communities, for queers the only such programs are in Toronto and Vancouver, that has to change.
Rich, Toronto Ontario
10/17/11 5:10 PM EST
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My thoughts
My heart & prayers to the family
Stevie, Montreal Quebec
10/17/11 5:46 PM EST
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SuPPORT GAY RIGHTS CHARTER CHALLENGE
This is a tragedy and it can get better with YOUR help. Join/follow Fitnessexecdwh on Twitter or check out Dax Hart Profile on FB for support to MAKE IT BETTER. We are making Gay Rights History and Protecting GAY Rights and GAY families to PREVENT more suicides and hatecrimes against GLBT community. We are putting interim Funding order together now for our next self represented Prima Fasie Charter Challenge FL01-01406 & FL01-11127 and another one to get.... FAMILY STATUS as PROTECTED GROUNDS under the Charter of Rights. This is a first although the Supreme Court HAS made rulings on Family Status no one has demanded it become a grounds Under the Charter....THIS MUST HAPPEN TO PROTECT and Equalize Gay people, Gay families and hopefully give meaning, equality and Hope to hang on and fucking FIGHT like the other Races like Blacks, Hindus, Indians, etc like the women did and continue to do now to the detriment of MEN especially GAY ones. FAMILY STATUS MUST be protected Grounds under our Charter for the BEST INTEREST OF CHILDREN, ALL children!. Each suicide is a loss to us all as a Race of Humans. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but we must coordinate, focus and speak LOUD & PROUD or FIGHT FOR OUR LIVES WHICH IS WHAT THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE DOING... Don't let their Life go in silence & vain. Support GAY RIGHTS FAMILY STATUS CLASS ACTION and tell every gay person and supporter you know to follow THIS CASE which is YOUR CHANCE TO RAISE OUR VOICES in UNISON. WE ARE FAMILY, we mourn yet another member of our greater community yet allow this to go without culpability of authorities and especially this HARPER CONSERVATIVE AGENDA. People to watch ALISON REDFORD, Phillipe RABOT, Dr. Terry Pezzot Pearce for DEFAMATion and CAP NOT protecting public. \ Suicide IS PREVENTABLE, I pray I don't give up as this gay teen. I'm doing this for my legal daugher who still SUFFERS and I remain powerless alone. I
Dakota Wilfred Hart, Calgary Alberta
10/17/11 6:29 PM EST
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Gone too soon..
I just wish.....Jamie was still with us to see this outpouring of sadness. Why do we wait til another young gay person takes their life. I for one, as a 'mature' gay man am going to do more to try to make it better RIP Jamie
Louis, Gatineau Quebec
10/17/11 7:04 PM EST
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Thanks Louis
All those individuals out there going through the same thing as Jamie did are lucky that people like you are out there. Kudos to you for being so compassionate, taking action and thinking of what we as individuals can do to help.
Sara, Ottawa Ontario
10/17/11 10:13 PM EST
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Suicide
At the earliest possible age children have to be taught what "RESPECT" means, later on in elementary school , children have to learn what "DENIGRATE", "RELEGATE", and "DISENFRANCHISE" means. These are key words that people definitely need to know the meaning of. They also need to know , what the word "IGNORANT" means. These are key words connected with systematic abuse !
Oohay Boo, Brantford Ontario
10/17/11 10:25 PM EST
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Make it Better
It is a great slogan to say "It gets better", but for kids in school, a few years is a very long time, much longer than it is for adults. Responsible adults must MAKE IT BETTER!
Wayne Madden, Edmonton Alberta
10/17/11 10:46 PM EST
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Being 15 is hard enough .....
Being 15 isn't easy and sweet 16, there was nothing sweet about it. I am straight so I can't imagian being 15 and being gay and not be able to talk about it with anyone also being bullied. I don't know how much support there is for teens gay and straight? There needs to be zero tolerance for bullying in the school system but as sad as his death is, I think things are getting better. My youngest son is turning 10 and at the beginning of school last year he brought home a consent form for health class. His father and I signed with no hesitation. We will also talk to him but I think at school they are with their peers my older children told me that they were all encouraged to write a question on a piece of paper but not to put their name on the paper. It was a great way to open up a discusion in a safe enviroment. Knowledge is power. My heart goes out to the parents at this difficult time. I am sure they are blaming themselves and they should'nt. I am sure they did the best that they could given their situation.
June Anderson See, Oshawa Ontario
10/18/11 3:28 PM EST
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I want to know
the culture and ethnic make-up of his tormentors and those responsible. I consider this be manslaughter/murder/incitement. I would also like to have the teachers and people in authority at his school to be held accountable criminally charged and imprisoned. But hey, maybe I'm being overly zealous? It's only one talented gay boys life after all?
Kyle, Ottawa ON
10/19/11 8:11 AM EST
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Please reach out
Please pass and paste these along to those who need them. Suicide prevention Groups that provide support to youth: Ottawa Distress Line: 613-238-3311 Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 Child, Youth and Family Crisis Line for Eastern Ontario 1-877-377-7775 Eastern Ottawa Resource Centre: 613-741-6025 Mental Health Crisis Line (Ages 16 and up) 613-722-6914 Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa 613-260-2360
Gary Leger, Ottawa ON
10/19/11 8:19 AM EST
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The evidence would suggest...
that it is not getting better in Canada. Although we had a flurry of activism in the 70s and 80s, progressive social values have been in decline corresponding to an increase in hate related crimes not even recognized by society at large, its institution, its constabulary and its courts. Indeed, it will not get better unless we make it so. Starting with bullying and ending with the criminalization of HIV . This is our rainbow. Sad, really.
Ilya, Toronto Ontario
10/26/11 7:06 PM EST
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