This weekend marks the beginning and end of a number of things this month. To name two: an end to dignity (again) and the beginning of a month without a moustache (again!)

To be honest, sometimes my moustache made me feel like this:

But other times, it made me feel like this:

I'll post a photo of my final result on Monday. In the meantime, you should come down to 1181 this Sunday for MAN OF MOVEMBER (ooo ahhh). In case you haven't heard, November is prostate cancer awareness month and men everywhere are growing moustaches to raise money for research and the cure.

MAN OF MOVEMBER will the moustache competition to end all moustache competitions. It takes place at 1181 and starts at 4pm...and yes, we will be collecting donations onsite for those who are willing to give to a great cause. Bring your 'Mo Sista's and 'Mo Bro's. Moustaches aren't required though will be much appreciated for this event. I'm judging the stash competition with some surprise judges. See ya there!

It's break-back mountain weak here on Up Your Alley. Literally. I've visited a certain medical professional and am hoping for miraculous results over the next few days, but for the meantime, I've spent most of the day laying on the floor on my back <insert joke here>, hoping for aforementioned miraculous results. There will be a special Mis Trucos posting over the weekend. Oh. Yeah.

In light of yesterday's milkshake-to-boys chart, I offer this complication:

I'm also taking drag notes on the following:

It's Movember people. The month of moustaches. I am growing one. My roommate is growing one. My friend Dean is growing one. DJ Dreaddy is growing one. In fact, you should be growing one and remember: vaginal moustaches count (as do penile moustaches if you aren't able to grow one on your face, boys). The only catch is that you need to raise some money for prostate cancer research. This can be done by collecting from your friends and donating to a charity...or by coming to join us for the MAN OF MOVEMBER at 1181 on November 29. Check out the event page for more details.

In the spirit of Hotness Past and Hotness Present, I give you THE MOUSTACHE:

Damn that Tom Selleck straight to sexy hell!

<scream>

<double scream>

It's Homofication Week on Up Your Alley! So I went and saw Coco Avant Chanel last with my photog BFF Brandon. Brilliant movie. BRILLIANT! Made even more so by a certain Alessandro Nivola. The first time he graced the screen, I believe there was an audiable sigh throughout the theatre and no joke: this guy's charisma in this film was incredible, though not nearly as incredible as Audrey Tautou.

Even more fitting was the moustache he sported for the entire film:

I'm really getting into this Movember thing!

So he's married to a woman...pffft. That's what Homofication is all about.

Back by popular demand, it's going to be Homofication all week long folks. Reminder: homofication is projecting homosexuality on heterosexuals. Something we all love to do.

I've been waiting for this photo for a long time. Fitting that it came along in Movember:

Look at that moustache! Clearly, Katie Holmes is a homosexual man!

Now take a closer look...see how Tom Kat are even dressing alike? DELISH!

My print column hits the streets today. For those of you not in Van, here's a snapshot of this year's scene:

Cocked & Loaded

Well, I’m glad Halloween has come and gone because if I see one more person dressed up as a vampire or gladiator, I am going to have to gouge out both my eyeballs with a sharp pencil and wear symbolic red eye patches to teach the world a lesson about uncreative costumes.

Lest ye forget: Halloween is the costume lover’s holiday and for those of us who love dressing up, this is the one time of year where you REALLY have to pull out all the stops.

I mean, come on…a vampire? A gladiator? Get REAL! Come visit me at the Xtra offices and I’ll help you out with your costume for next year by writing YOU’RE BORING on your forehead in permanent black pen.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about this year’s Hall of Fame.

It turns out that local pop star Peter Breeze could teach a crash course of Halloween 101 for the costume-impaired. He showed up at Junction’s Little Shop of Horrors party dressed as a giant bag of cocaine— complete with oversized novelty straw—and proceeded to let party goers take turns snorting him.

That, my friends, is a type of genius that few can claim to own and is evidence of two things in my mind:

1. That Peter Breeze is an addictive pairing of vision and whimsy (I just said whimsy…yeah I did) and we are lucky to have him in Vancouver.
2. That the big DJ parties at Junction (formerly Pulse, formerly Majestic) are the best of their kind in Vancouver and despite having to see a bat-shit crazy ex every time I go to one, I always have a great time.

Check out Peter’s costume on his Facebook page. You won’t regret it.

Now. Xtra West assigned me to a club crawl on Halloween and I would like to personally thank everyone who dressed up as Jesus. You made my night, particularly Buff Jesus and Hipster Jesus at 1181 Tight Lounge. You were sacrilicious and you know it!

Celebrities definitely had the hottest male angel on the strip. I also have never been groped like I was groped at Pumpjack. Apparently wearing yellow spandex and a giant Pac Man head is as an open invitation to inappropriate butt touching. Who knew.

If I have one final piece of Halloween advice, it’s that the Davie strip is a guaranteed good time, so remember that next year. And when in you’re in doubt over a costume choice and someone asks you what you’re dressing up as for Halloween, “slutty” is always a good answer.

For those of you who haven’t heard, it’s Movember this month. A number of guys I know are growing moustaches to raise money for prostate cancer research, including DJ Dreaddy. I’m going to be growing one and if you are interested in making a donation to support either DJ Dreaddy or I in our moustache growing efforts, please contact me at vancouvergayblog@gmail.com.

If you’ve got the post-Halloweener blues or intend to detox (like yours truly), check out the following:

Every Tuesday throughout the month of November, Pacific Cinemateque will be showing double bills of dance films. Shows are at 6:30 and 9:30 pm and the Razzle Dazzle Dance Film Series will include: Fame and Flashdance (TUE NOV 10); Cabaret and Chicago (TUE NOV 17); Dirty Dancing and Hairspray (TUE NOV 24).

There are also two big fundraisers coming up over the next two weeks.

Prairie Fairies Fowl Supper on SAT NOV 7 supports A Loving Spoonful. Tickets are already sold out, though some are available through the Ticket Swap menu at http://www.fillmorefamily.ca/fowl.html.

Art for Life on SAT NOV 14 supports Friends for Life. There will be a gala dinner, reception and art auction benefits. Tickets and the art collection can be viewed at www.artforlife.net.