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A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food
seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms
and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and
head before running out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies
Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of
the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a
nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of
Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.
Antonio Vasquez Jr.
"It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer
shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond
Arrested was Antonio Vasquez Jr., 21, of Fresno.
said deputies headed to the victims' home in the 300 block of South
Thompson Avenue near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday
regarding a burglary in progress.
The victims, both farmworkers,
told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying "Pappy's
Seasoning" to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.
Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen.
After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said.
said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the
attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.
"That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said.
"I tell you, this was one weird case."
Now is it just me, or do you find this whole thing homoerotic? Everytime I saw the word "sausage" in this article, it made me think "penis" and everytime I saw the word "seasoning", it made me think of "semen".
The only red herring, of course, is the dog. How convenient that it ate the weapon.
Hate to state the obvious but apparently Pappy's Seasoning will fuck you up.
I've written the reporter to discover the bottom to this situation. I will let you all know what comes of it.