This woman is my hero of the day! She's fab, smart and brave. I love what she says about victimization; I'll share similar views in my column, Blitz & Shitz, in the next issue of Xtra, which is due out Wednesday (June 15).

On his way home from work in downtown Ottawa, a man comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, "Wow, this traffic is even worse than usual. Nothing is moving!"

He notices a police officer walking between cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, officer. What seems to be the holdup?"

The officer comes over to his car and replies, "The prime minister is just so depressed that he stopped his limo in the middle of the freeway. He's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start himself on fire. He says everyone hates him despite his re-election, but he can't quit because he loves this country the money. So I'm walking around to take collections for him." 

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" the man asks as he reaches for his wallet.

"So far only about a hundred litres, but I've got a lot of folks siphoning..." 

2010 you say? No. It couldn't. It shouldn't. It oughtn't. It musn't. It shant. Oh what the hell, it is.

10 years ago from today I was in Australia ona working visa. Between that time and now, things went sideways:

 

 

+

 

 

+

=

What a decade. Somewhere in all that madness, I also managed to get run over by a truck while walking on the side of a highway, deal with my mother passing, get engaged and not go through with it, write a book, be on the back of an elephant while it attacked a raft full of people in Thailand (I know) and co-create and co-star in a TV show.

Bad start, strong finish. Last year, I posted these resolutions to kickstart 2009. The year didn't really turn out how I thought it would, but committing to make some changes in a public forum is one of the best motivators I know of. So if you are planning on making some resolutions this year, post it on Facebook for your friends and family to see. It will help you keep your goals.

Here's to 2010:

1) Defined abs

Same goal as last year. The LL Cool J platinum work out did wonders for me last year (remember Abtastic 2009?) but troublems at the end of this summer combined with a back injury in November has taken away a lot of what I gained last year. Which is why I'm going to undertake a similar workout program (deciding this week) and also try the 300 workout with a friend.

2) Yoga

Once every two weeks. Back injury was from not stretching properly, which has also created some other problems (plantar fasciitis). Working out is great, but make sure your training program is a comprehensive one. Not stretching properly for two - three years is a BAD idea.

3) Stay in better touch with family

Don't be a stranger, you hear? Cause I won't be this year.

4) Publish second book

It's reading period for a number of publishers and the book I've cowritten with a friend of mine in Toronto over the past two years is finally finished. Will 2010 be a yes? Damn right it will be.

5) Finish travel show pitch, film sizzle reel and shop to networks

I've been lucky enough to achieve almost all of the goals I set out for myself in my 20s. But girl is turning 30 in 2011 and needs to get BIZZAY! This has been a dream of mine for the past few years. The idea and basic structure are solid. This means footing the bill for a filming trip late spring/early summer and building a three-season plan. Can I do it? I guess we'll see.

 

**Happy New Year!**

The queers have spoken out all across the country. A decision has been made to encourage all gays, lesbians, bi's and trans folk to go to the polls as one community and throw our lot in with the so-called special interest groups: environmentalists, unions, artists, Newfies and women's groups.

If you missed last night's electoral forum in the West End (put on by the fine folks at Xtra! West), click here to view the Q&A responses from the Vancouver Centre candidates and click here to view the responses from the Vancouver East candidates. I'm particularly interested in what Dr. Hedy Fry had to say about minority status, something I personally agree with. FYI She was the only candidate I saw attending the Vancouver Queer Film Festival. I also agree with her views on artists' rights. 

In light of that, you might want to check out http://www.voteforenvironment.ca - this is as close as I can come to telling you how to vote in Vancouver Centre. If you're checking into Up Your Alley from a different riding, type in your postal code and see what it says.

In other news, the secret love child of the following two gentleman was recently spotted right here in British Columbia...

 

Sensible sweater? Check.

Collared shirt underneath? Check.

Kitten-eating grin? Checkmate.