Let's clear up a long standing rumour. When I mention local producers like Terry Costa or James Steck or Tommy D and/or the Flame and the Dame or the GMF team or Rico Amezquita or Dj Betty Ford, it's not because they are all giving me blow jobs in return for coverage here on UYA or in Cocked & Loaded.It's because they are paying me tens and tens of dollars.

No no, I kid. It's because they are promoters who are -- gasp -- good at their jobs and actually promote their events by directly calling me or meeting for drinks or with a personal email.

Terry Costa recently alerted me that a gay DJ from BRAZIL is coming to town and voila! I give you this welcome addition to the hotness files:

Bitch please!

Sir Chestalot? Call me? What what?

Here's the event write up:

THURSDAY, JUNE 4th, 2009
CELEBRITIES NIGHTCLUB in Vancouver-Canada

The hottest Brazilian DJ is coming to Vancouver... DJ FELIPE LIRA was awarded DJ of the year by "DOM" magazine and "DJ Sound" for 2008. Now, he debuts in Vancouver for the first "Made in Rio" event that welcomes the flare of Rio de Janeiro complete with samba girls and go go boys wearing the latest feathers and fashions from Brazil. Opening the night we welcome duo PEPE LORENZO (Portugal) and SASHKO (Macedonia) to warm-up the dance floor. VAI ARRAZAR!!!

DJ FELIPE LIRA: From Rio de Janeiro, Lira has played all the major clubs in the city of samba and capoeira as well across the country including major venues in Sao Paulo; he is the only DJ to accomplish a two-year residency at "The Week Rio" where he created the hottest after-party event the city has ever seen. Travelling around the world and regular nights at Apple Mixxx International is where he now spends most of his time. Electric-tribal and house with a Brazilian twist, Lira's sets are made to "get the people on the dance floor, smiling, dancing and happy as if the best day of their lives."

For this event, Celebrities Night Club will transmit the vibrant energy of Brazil, with Samba and Capoeira dancers, Brazilian models and, so, indefinitely, on. This is a spectacle not to be missed. Full details to follow shortly. Stay tuned.

Tickets will be availble for sale soon. 

It turns out that my buddy C is a wealth of strange internet info and is often my deep throat (figurative only) for a lot of the material on this site and on the old vancouvergayblog.blogspot.com site (oh how I miss you Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog - I miss the purple leopard print dresses and the Zima, the Brenda Dickson and the one-way alleys...and of course, who could forget that time I lost my Patrick Stewart cherry).

Anyway, check this out:

_______________________

Now is it just me, or do you find this whole thing homoerotic? Everytime I saw the word "sausage" in this article, it made me think "penis" and everytime I saw the word "seasoning", it made me think of "semen".

The only red herring, of course, is the dog. How convenient that it ate the weapon.

Hate to state the obvious but apparently Pappy's Seasoning will fuck you up.

I've written the reporter to discover the bottom to this situation. I will let you all know what comes of it.

 

Quick update: guess who was denied access at tonight's Vancouver Queer Film Festival screenings? Me? It couldn't possibly be...oh wait, it was. Starry-eyed reporter much? You got my number. For some reason, that week I spent fighting tooth and nail for a media pass so I could cover the festival and devote my next print article to promoting queer film...well, I guess that's not happening now. I did see this guy at Cinemark Tinseltown:

David Charlie was promoting one of the VQFF entries (Mulligans) and he was standing right beside me, listening to me explain how I was a local reporter covering the movie, please let me in so I can review, look at my media pass, etc. to the well-meaning VQFF staff...but alas, to no avail. He then got to witness my eventual Mariah Carey-inspired meltdown. If I wasn't so angry, I would've asked him for a ticket/what his thoughts were about the movie he was starring in but I wasn't going to get to see.

In hindsight, I should have stripped down to my manties and passed out popsicles to the crowd. That Mariah. Is there anything she can't do?

Okay enough. The Olympics are on.

Newflash: Canadians are hot.

Take Adam Van Koeverden. His semi's were fierce and in light of my VQFF "experience" tonight, I also had the pleasure of watching him in the finals instead of watching queer film.

Another homofication candidate if I've ever seen one.

Adam placed 7th and I was happy to watch him doing it:



Seriously - is there something in the water up here or what?

 

After a hit-and-miss weekend, I was happy to head down to the Vancity Theatre tonight and continue the film-high that came with the kick-off to Vancouver Queer Film Festival's 20th anniversary.

I tagged Bangkok Love Story as one of my must-sees in my Xtra! West column last week and I know it is supposed to be a tradgedy, but I would tell anyone considering a trip to see the second screening on Wednesday to walk in with "romantic comedy" on their mind. Sure there was the HIV story line (which was hard hitting), prostitution, multiple unrequited loves and more tradgedy during the movie's running time than you could shake a limp dick at, but seriously folks, who could forget the romantic peek-a-boo scene, genitals being creatively blocked out by fresh visual metaphors like poles, sexy bathing, the butterfly chimes/tattoos (as my good friend Amanda coined: Mariah Carey co-producing...anyone? anyone?)...the list could go on.

Should I say it?

No. I shouldn't.

But I am going to say it anyway:

The plot had more holes than swiss chesse (heeeeyooo!)

On another note: written and directed by Poj Arnon, the film deconstructs Thai gay stereotypes by dipicting two masculine gay men falling in love overtop a standard action/thriller plot line. The cinematography alone is worth your dollars. Here are some stills:

What do I mean by "masculine" and Thai stereotypes? Well, I'm glad you asked...

My ex and I spent nearly four months in South East Asia this past fall/winter, mostly in Bangkok and also in Chiang Mai in northern Thailand. Wherever we went, the Thais would inevitably ask us: "So which one is the woman?" I would joke and say it was my ex and the Thai girls would laugh (word to the wise: few things can make a temper flare in 40C weather faster than an attack on your manhood) and then we'd all go and buy a few more litres of Beer Chang from the grocery store and drink them on the street and bygones were bygones and onward went the trip. Curious what I'm talking about? Take a look:

(Those two photos are probably enough to make you happy you weren't travelling with me, eh?)

What's the point of this long personal anecdote?

As you may have guessed, there isn't one.

No wait. There is. Thai mainstream culture accepts homosexuality, but stereotypically, it's one a level of man + lady-boy. This film breaks that converntion, though does it in Thai style: melodramically, with an ear-drum-popping accompaniment of sugary Thai ballads. And of course, the smoldering Chaiwat Thongsaeng spends most of the movie in his underwear, so even if you can't take the paint-by-numbers dialogue, stop reading the subtitles and focus on this:

If you've been to Bangkok, Bangkok Love Story will bring back memories (it reminded me of Thong Lor and Sukhumvit districts and throughout the movie, I swear I could hear the BTS Skytrain attendant announcing: Nana)

There is a second screening this Wednesday. Take the time to go see it.

In other news: the websmaster at Right Up Your Alley: Kamloops and I have called a truce. He apologizes and I'm offering him the same...and hell, I've even added him to the blogroll. In light of all that drama, there may be some changes coming to our format here. I'll keep you posted.

Honey Dijon also graced Vancouver with a stellar perfomace on Saturday night at the Majestic. I managed to chat with her mid-set (she's as gorgeous as she is talented). Thanks to Tommy D and Richard for the good times. Here she is:
Lastly, MLA-hopeful Spencer Herbert was on the corner of Davie and Bute today talking up his campaign. Check out his website: www.spencerherbert.ca. Check out his platform. This guy is the real deal.

Get out and see some films, y'all!

 

I'd like to take a moment to take you, loyal Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog reader, on a trip back in time to May 2008, when the street people combing Vancouver's many alleys still had a Spring spring to their step, when Britney Spears was still riding high on her choice to wear panties again, when I still thought owning shorts that fell above the knee was something to be celebrated and/or photographed, when whoremones were a quality I attributed to the strangers who always ask "what are you doing after [insert club name here]?" around 1pm on the dancefloor versus (as I've recently discovered) a quality that most of humankind seems to inherently possess.

Those were the salad days. I was younger then. With a one-pack stomach waiting to be mocked. And my undying love for all things Bai Ling had not yet been quenched.

Ah who's kidding who. My Bai Ling fire will never be put out.

What you probably don't know, dear reader, is that I spent 6 weeks (that's 42 days - a long time in a freelancer's life) in negotiation with Xtra! West and Xtra! Capital over the name for a blog. Sure we dreamed big. I searched far and wide and then wider for the perfect name to capture all things queer in Vancouver. From New York to Bangkok to Brasilia, I pitched friends with blog names designed to fish-hook the eye into a love affair it would never forget.

Nothing was out of bounds:

We compiled a list of 40 names. And then a short list. And then a short-short list. And then votes poured in from all across the country. Queers everywhere were uniting in a way I haven't seen since my coming out party in Victoria back in 2001. There was laughter. There were tears. Somebody even got laid. But when the dust settled, we chose Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog as the banner to unite Vancouver queers online.

And then we did our homework too: Googled online for blogs of a similar name and ilk. We even checked BestGayBlogs in case some other crafty homo had beat me to it. There were no hits to be found and hence, a new golden age of blogging commenced in this mighty West Coast metropolis I'm proud to call home.

Fast forward to July 2008, when a woman in Victoria heckled me during a literary reading over the name of the very blog you're reading right now (in case you forgot: Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog).

Fast forward again to the dizzying highs (John Mayer, Zima) and depth-defying lows (the Jarics' infamous "performance malfunction", Stephen Harper).

And now let's fast forward to the lowest of all lows: there is another Right Up Your Alley blog in British Columbia...and it is not good (...significant pause...) news for Vancouver.

You can imagine my surprise opening my email account this morning to find that the webmaster of that other site had taken the low road and panned my own career along with this blog. Admittedly (and all high horses aside), social media equates a loss of privacy, so I'm getting what I asked for, aren't I?

Yet instead of sending me an investigative email to discuss (like adults) an unfortunate coincidence, he posted this: http://www.rightupyouralley.ca/kamloops/2008/08/one-way-only.html.

And although I'm normally not one to stoop down and sling shit (which, for everyone's reference, is what comes out of the one-way alley), the bar has been lowered. Thast said, I believe that in the world of blogs, all publicity is good publicity.

That other blogger also sent me the following rhymes:

How can I express

The profound distress

I experienced this week

When instead of unique...

I discovered my blog name

And yours are the same!

I've been toiling away

Four hundred and seventeen days

To build an identity

With local amenity

But the alias I treasure

Is now contested, I measure

Is there a way to resolve

In some way that involves

A reasonable solution

To this blogging confusion?

The alternative might be

A Kamloops blog eugoogooly

Regardless of my suspiscion that is a dig at the fact that I have published a book through an actual publishing house, I submitted the above poem to readers who have sent me fashion photos at vancouvergayblog.blogspot.com for comment.

Here's what one Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog reader had to say: "Rhyming such as this is juvenile and always insulting (especially to anyone with half a brain who enjoys real literature)"

Furthermore, the author of this "poem" should consider submitting it to: earlyed@vancouver.cbc.ca because, as another reader informed me, they are looking for literary gems like this.

Thank you, Barry Something-Or-The-Other. I love your stance as the blogger who "loves journalism, is not a journalist. Loves politics, is not a politician." And loved you even more during your stint doing whatever it is you do to make your life work.

Rest assured, my Kamloops counterpart, if I could turn back time and change this blog handle, I would do so in order to not be associated with you in any way whatsoever, especially since this posting: http://www.rightupyouralley.ca/kamloops/2008/08/one-way-only.html attaches my name to homophobic jokes that still--despite years of combatting hate and discrimination--make me physically sick.

However, since gays haven't yet invented time travel (emphasis on yet), I will have to console myself with web traffic that has mistaken this site for yours. Who knows. We may both expose our blog readers to ideas they wouldn't normally entertain.

Agree or disagree, my Kamloops counterpart, this is a good thing.