Looking for something to do this weekend? If you don't have internet service like yours truly, due to a major fuck-up and the worst customer service experience of my life (courtesy of Telus), you probably will be. Seriously. I've reviewed quite a few products on this blog and here's a recommendation: do not get internet service from Telus. I've spoken to four different customer service representatives this week trying to get my new apartment set up and all of them were unhelpful. The manager I spoke with yesterday was even worse. Go with Novus or (like me, back to) Shaw.

Now that that's out of the way: here are some things to think about this weekend:

1) La Brasserie, Oktoberfest and Second Anniversary Party - Sunday, 6:30pm to midnight

Like beer? Like sausage? LOVE La Brasserie? This is the event for you. They will have real beer steins on hand and the staff will be wearing lederhosen. Das ist sehr fabelhaft, ja?

2) Queer Bash First Anniversary at the Cobalt - Friday, 9:30pm - 3am

I was there when this sexy Eastside baby was born and I'll be there to see my little baby all grown up. Let's see if I can pull it together and come dressed as Elizabeth Hasslebitch from The View.

Company: Gloss

Location: South Granville

Product: Style, baby! YEAH!

There comes a time in every queer's life where your partner will offer to cut your hair. No no. Hear me out. Usually (for guys) it involves a head shave. For lesbians, I imagine it involves either braiding or a bang trim or if it's your lucky night, both. Mmm bangs.  And let's be honest here: I could fucking shave your head and or bangs. And that says a lot people because I can't even cut a line.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I let boyfriend Steve cut my hair. I know, right? Have you read his blog? I must be in love. By the time he was finished, it looked like this:

No really, it looked like this: 

Which is WAY worse.

On Canada Day, Doug D Styles (Vancouver legend) told me that I looked like shit. I'm sure I did, but christ, the guy's last name is Styles. He dared me to come in that Monday to his salon (Gloss) and let him clean me up. I didn't go in that Monday. Que sorpresa. But a week later his dare apparently was still good and here is the result:

In summary: it's hard to find a good stylist in the city, let along an LGBT friendly one. Sure, I'm being sarcastic a bit there, but Gloss is actually the Flossy Flossy and Doug, despite calling me a piece of shit due to boyfriend's head-love, is an amazing stylist. I don't know how to cut hair but I do know a good hair cut and that's what Doug did for me. 

As for Gloss, I mean, look at this place:

That's Doug in the far right corner. What a dreamboat, right? 

Product: Personal Training Sessions, Teeth Whitening, Diet Plan, Radio Frequency Facelift, Infrared Sauna

A few months ago, I won a raffle for a personal transformation fitness and wellness package from Big Rogers Events at Weights here in Vancouver. You can follow the first parts of my journey by clicking here.

I know this review has been a long time coming. There will be a video component that I'm going to put together over the next couple weeks so you can see firsthand what a radio frequency facelift looks like and what's involved in a balls-out teeth-whitening session. There's a few weeks to go until Pride, and if you're a vain bitch like me and are considering getting treatments like this before Aug 2, you'll know what you're getting into before you book a treatment.

Back to the review: to be honest, I was sort of reluctant to take on personal training sessions. I really don't like being bossed around, and I like working out in big gyms where -- surprise -- you can check out guys while slugging your weights around and getting fit. But I had also hit a fitness wall after last year's LL Cool J Platinum Workout blitz and needed something new to help push my body to build muscle again.

Ever wonder how effective working with a personal trainer is? These may help put any doubts to rest:

The benefits of working with a medium-sized private gym like this include privacy and also the opportunity to work with several different trainers until finding one who can work with you. Bryan handled the majority of my training -- he is a master motivator, fun to be around and managed to push me even when I didn't think I could go further. I also had a few sessions with Kurt, who had a different theoretical approach and had an answer for any question about fitness or wellness that I could possibly ask.

Weights is a great alternative to working out to Fitness World/Steve Nash, the YMCA or other Vancouver public gyms. They helped me put on some serious mass, particularly on my legs, shoulders and upper back. They also helped tone and trim down my stomach (something I've never been able to do by myself). I lost an inch off my mid-section after two and a half months of serious training, despite not following my diet plan exactly. Girl likes her coffee and liquor. What a surprise, eh?

Highlights included implementing 300-style workouts, the infrared sauna bakes and a trip to try laserlipo at Nu Age Body Care.

Lowlights included transit time to and from the West End (selling my car two years ago never hurt more than the past two months) and working through previous soft tissue injuries in my back, left ankle and neck. 

Another unexpected benefit was to my tennis game -- my forehand picked up a lot of punch and I finally won against a guy I've been playing with for the past three years.

If you're looking to start an exercise program, lose weight or get past a plateau in your current workout program, personal training is for you. Try contrasting the results I got from last year's Platinum Workout and these sessions at Weights. Weights was definitely more successful in my mind, and I think the photos show that.

Since this is a lot more serious than my usual blog postings, I hope you found this informative and look forward to some video blogs on the cosmetic treatments I received, coming soon. Good luck with your fitness journeys this summer. Hope to see you at the beach, y'all!

Company: Nu Age Body Care LipoLaser

Location: Yaletown

Product: Laser Liposuction

Another video blog? Yeah I know. That's how much better Macs are for video work.

Listen, bitches. It looks like winter finally ended last Thursday. Now that summer's here, girl needs to start thinking about Wreck Beach. Which is why se's taken to ordering a glass of air and a bendy straw when she goes out now, because let's get real here. There's nothing sexier than asking someone to count your ribs before playing naked frisbee. NOTHING.

If you don't feel like starving yourself skinny, there may be a wellness treatment that you should consider trying but may also never have heard of.  

Background: This April, I won a prize package from Big Roger Events in partnership with Weights Fitness and Wellness Studio to undergo a personal transformation -- to change my body and eating habits into the "Whole New Me" (that was the name of the prize package... nice one, eh?)

I'm pretty tired of the old me. Just saying. So for the past three months, I've been subjected to an intense personal training regimen with Weights, with some extras like teeth whitening, a radio frequency laser tightening treatment, a meal plan, a fitness supplement plan and a laser liposuction session with Nu Age Body Care LipoLaser. 

Much like the Eurowave session I had a few months back, I was surprised at just how painless and easy and effective this treatment was. Nu Age has a beautiful space in Yaletown, and as you'll see in the video, Alecia is a total babelicious professional with a great sense of humour. 

Lastly, my torture at Weights comes to an end this week, and I'll have another video review next week-ish of the crazy body transformation work they do there. In the meantime, my trainer Bryan at the gym is offering all sorts of crazy pre-Pride specials, including the radio frequency facial treatment and a week's worth of training sessions. Get in touch with them if you want to learn more.

Things you can buy for $20:

1) A week's worth of fruits and veggies from Kin's Market:

2) !Doce Coronas deliciosas!

3) DJ Dreaddy

4) An $18.99 portion of fish and chips from a server at Yaletown Brewing Co who told me the halibut pieces were roughly the size of a wallet:

Bitch, please! You lied and your food fucking sucks.