Photo by Brandon Gaukel of Isolde N Barron and the glamorous profile of Jaylene Tyme. 

Host Isolde N Barron is back from a safari in South Africa (and I don't just mean from giving a blowjob to a South African with an overgrown bush). After all that outdoorsy adventure, I bet her delectable freckles are popping like champagne corks (or, er, other things) will be tonight! She's doing the countdown, so you're going to want to get to The Cobalt (917 Main St) before midnight or hope to god that the Queen of the Eastside isn't wearing her horns!

Here's what Queer Bash: End of Days vs Glamour Gays has in store for you:

Meet your maker or Booty Shaker?
The Mayans were Right or Club Kid Fight?
Apocalypse or Fierce lips?

Your favourite DRESS UP MESS UP is back to usher in a New Year!!! So dress the hell up in your glamour or your grim. 

Featuring your favourite Cobalt sound machine
DJ JEF LEPPARD
And a familiar face to queerbashers, DJ G-LUV!

With performances by
The Queen of East Van ISOLDE N. BARRON
The Queen of Gorelesque BLOODY BETTY
The Patron Saint of East Van JAYLENE TYME
Come dance and sweat your faces off with the sexiest homo dancefloor in town! 

Everyone's favourite dress-up mashup is back Feb 25 at The Cobalt! Queer Bash is at the top of my list of best Vancouver queer nightlife. Since Pride 2011, the East Van favourite has been mostly MIA, popping up every now and then like a red bump on your cock. You don't wanna miss the True Blood Vamps vs Hollywood Glam-ps edition, because who knows when the next one will be?!

I can get YOU plus one on the guest list (a value of $30). All you have to do is email the answer to this question to blitzandshitz@xtra.ca:

What is the name of the actress nominated for a 2012 Oscar for her portrayal of the actress in the above poster? Brownie points to whoever names both actresses. I'll be picking the winner at random Friday, Feb 24.

Go! 

Check out Queer Bash DJ Robo Santa's xxxmas mixtape. The boys at Queer Bash are hinting that there will be a spring QB comeback party, with surprise guests. Can't wait! Stay tuned for deets coming up in the new year, and happy ho-days!

Tracklist:

Congrats, Nancy Kirkpatrick, for your caption of the photo (in the post below): "Scary thoughts for an open mind." Simple and effective! You've been added to the guest list plus one for Queer Bash: Homoween on Oct 29 and Apocalypstick's Hallloween show on Oct 30, both at The Cobalt (917 Main St). 

The winner of Blitz & Shitz's Queer Bash: Pride Farewell two-ticket giveaway (valued at $40) is Matt Bzdel, for his hilariously original and inspired obituary. Check it out (below), and I hope to see you all Sunday, July 31 at The Cobalt for the last Queer Bash. I'm already drinking my tears!

It is with utmost sorrow that we announce the passing of Miss QB, paragon of parties, diva of debauch. She was drunkenly riding her bicycle home when her feather boa got caught in the chain, sending her soaring through the air, shiny as a shooting star, right into a speeding car. Lying on the road, she reflected upon her life: flocks of fairies prancing, sexy sultry swaggers, nights of endless dancing, tummies full of Jäger, endless ass-squeezes and contracted diseases. Threesomes, foursomes, pour some more, son, 'til sunrise and then some. And thus, with no regrets, Miss QB shuts her shimmering eyes, dead upon the road. Her empire ends under empyrean. Now where ought all the 'mos to go? 

-Matt Bzdel