I just read Lady Gaga's open letter to Kelly Osbourne where she outdoes herself in the self-righteousness department (which, if you've seen any of her interviews, is not an easy feat). I also read Sharon Osbourne's open letter in response, and unlike Gaga's sanctimonious bullshit, Sharon really hits the mark. 

It all started when Sharon contacted Gaga's management to try to get them to stop "little monsters" from harassing Kelly online, sending her death threats, and degrading her over comments she made about Gaga on Fashion Police. 

Gaga's response is an open letter where she paints herself as superior in compassion, empathy and kindness while belittling Kelly Osbourne as nothing more than a joke "who has chosen a less compassionate path."

Right, because no one is more compassionate than a priggish fur monger.

Here's Gaga's letter to Kelly:

Open Letter to Kelly Osbourne

Dear Kelly,

While I wish you had reached out to me personally, as the head of the Born This Way foundation with my mother Cynthia we would like to respond. Everyday, through my music and public voice I choose to be positive and work towards a kinder and braver world with our community of followers. I encourage them to ignore criticism, stand up to bullies, know their own value and see that we are all the same and no one person is worth more than another. I know I’m perceived as a wild child, but in reality I am woman that deeply cares for humanity. I have empathy for you Kelly, but I feel it culturally important to note that you have chosen a less compassionate path. Your work on E! with the Fashion Police is rooted in criticism, judgment, and rating people’s beauty against one another. “Appearance” is the most used reason for bullying in the world. Your show breeds negativity, and over the years has even become comedic in nature. It glorifies you and Joan Rivers pointing in the camera, laughing, and making jokes about artists and celebrities as if we are zoo animals. What about your body revolution? It used to make me truly sad when I would hear people talk about your weight when you were younger, as I was bullied too. To see you blossoming into a beautiful slender woman who makes fun of others for a living is astounding. Why not help others? Why not defend others who are bullied for their image and share your story? I am pointing this out not to take a crack at your character, as we’ve met before and you’re lovely. However, I urge you to take responsibility and accountability for the example that you are setting for young people. They look up to you because you are famous, and if you treat others that way on TV, many adolescents at home on twitter assume your actions are acceptable: well if she does it, why can’t I? I cannot control my fans, and I discourage them from any negativity and violence, because that is wrong and hurtful — and I do feel baldy that your feelings were hurt. However, we can all do our part in the media to set a standard of respect, compassion, and love. I wish for you to be treated with the kindness and respect that everyone deserves. While some of my fans have learning to do, most of them share the same values as I, and it’s what bonds us together. And that bond is strong.

Sincerely,
Gaga and Cynthia 

And here is Sharon Osbourne's response:

Sharon Osbourne’s Open Letter to Lady Gaga

Ms. Gaga,

I am responding to your open letter to my daughter Kelly, and I am perplexed as to why you would go public with an open letter. Regarding this current situation; Kelly didn’t contact you, I was the one that contacted your manager today and the email is attached below for your reference. I reached out to him as Kelly’s manager and mother to ask him if you could address your “little monster” fans and stop them from writing libelous, slanderous and vile comments about my family, including death threats to Kelly. Your open letter is hypocritical and full of contradictions. And as your mother Cynthia supports you, I support my daughter Kelly. I must say your opinions on what is politically correct and acceptable totally differ from mine, but that is what makes the world so interesting…we are all different. How sweet that you have empathy for my daughter, as you feel that she has taken a less passionate path in life. You say her work on E! with the Fashion Police is “rooted in criticism, judgment, and rating people’s beauty against one another.” Welcome to the real world. Example, when I saw you wear a dress made out of raw meat, I was sickened. When I see you wearing fur, and using it as a fashion statement, the fact that defenseless animals have been killed so you can get your picture in the press is abhorrent to me. Shouldn’t you be teaching your “little monster” fans to respect animals and life? I don’t feel I have to justify Kelly’s choices in life to you. By your actions to Kelly right now, you have shown me that you are nothing more than a publicly seeking hypocrite and an attention seeker. You know it would have been much more dignified of you to do this privately. I am calling you a bully because you have 32 million followers hanging on your every word and you are criticizing Kelly in your open letter. Are you so desperate that you needed to make this public?

You state “Everyday, through my music and public voice I choose to be positive and work towards a kinder and braver world with our community of followers.” Well this obviously is not translating well to your fans, as a large portion of them have not only been vile to Kelly, but also other celebrities such as Madonna, Adele and Rihanna. “You say a kinder, braver world” I don’t know what world you live in, but supporting disgraceful fan comments doesn’t fall under the words “kinder and braver.” It comes under the heading of bullshit.

In closing, stop wearing fur, stop looking for publicity, and stop using your fans to belittle not just Kelly but an endless stream of celebrities. A word from you would stop all the hideous, negative and vile threats from your “little monsters.” Let me know if you want to continue this debate. I’m an open playing field for you my darling.

Sincerely,
Sharon Osbourne 

This fake bitch is so annoying. Of course she said she'd never wear fur and is now draping herself in it. She's also always talking about her "struggle" on the Lower East Side . . . I fucking hate trust-fund hipsters. No one has struggled on the Lower East Side since 1985. Her daddy paid her bills during her "struggle." Not even a sugar daddy! Her real daddy. She also claimed to Harper's Bazaar that plastic surgery is "harmful" and is "promoting insecurity." She went on to say, "And how many models and actresses do you see on the cover of magazines who have brand-new faces and have had plastic surgery, while I myself have never had plastic surgery?" Meanwhile, girl's on her third nose. At least. The fact is, Lady Gaga lies and is so deluded she thinks her lies are art. 

Remember the Kermit puppet-dress publicity stunt where she claimed she "hated" fur? Dan Matthews, the gay vice-president of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) certainly does, and he's taking her fur betrayal personally in this open letter to Madonna 2.0. The shittier version whose tits aren't as nice and are faulty:

"Many of your gay fans, I among them, have long admired what you told Ellen: 'I hate fur, and I don't wear fur.' I included a link because these recent photos of you in fox and rabbit and with a wolf carcass make it appear that you have amnesia. I'm also including this brief video hosted by Tim Gunn showing the violent cruelty that you promote when you wear fur. What happened? Are your stylists telling you that it's fake, or are you a turncoat? Many gays are animal advocates because we recognize that the same arrogance and indifference that some have toward animal suffering has at times been directed toward us personally because of our orientation. By wearing those dumb furs in a heat wave, you're making yourself a target, just like the mindless Kim Kardashian. As we plan our fall campaigns, please tell us whether what you gracefully told Ellen was heartfelt or just a pose."

During her New Zealand concert, Lady Gaga went off on a monologue (which was accentuated by dramatic piano chords) about how society has changed in the past 25 years and there's no need for cunty-shady-reading-ness anymore. 

"It sometimes makes people feel better about themselves, you know, to put other people down, or make fun of them, or maybe make mockery of their work, and that doesn't make me feel good at all," Gaga said. Could she be referring to Madonna's cunty-shady-genius "Express Yourself/Born This Way/She's Not Me" mashup? "I don't even want to fight back because it's more important to me to keep writing music," Gaga continued. "Because that's really all I care about, is the music."

You'd think for someone who doesn't want to fight back or really doesn't care about anything but the music she'd stop there, but girl can talk as long as one of her videos.

"When I look into your eyes every night I don't see a fan base that wants to see me fight or bite or be shady or cunty the way that we all used to be," Gaga said to the crowd. "Can't I be gay and not have to slice you? Can't I be gay and not have to be a cunt? Can't I be gay and not feel that I have to read you and be shady? Can't I just be myself and not have to do that? Things are really different than they were 25 years ago, and that's what makes 'Born This Way' so relevant for me. We're socially in a completely different place and it's okay. We don't all have to hate and slice each other anymore." 

"Can't I be gay?" she asks! No, you can't. Just because you rip off gay culture doesn't make you gay. Just because you fight for gay rights doesn't make you gay. It doesn't even make you an honorary gay. It just makes you a talented fag hag who realizes, much like Madonna, that the gay minority is artistic, innovative and visionary. It just makes you a smart straight girl (as in not gay) with an acute understanding of gay culture's value. I'm not saying that Gaga or Madonna's commitment to their gay fan base isn't genuine, but let's be realistic -- who are they without a gay following? Take away the gays from Lady Gaga and she's left with insecure 12-year-old girls who have "Hair" as their ringtone. Take away the gays from Madonna and she's left with people who look her age. Of course they're committed to us -- we make those bitches.

Now, I personally think Lady Gaga should send Madonna a thank-you card for making a mockery of her work, instead of suing her for plagiarism. A lot of things may have changed in the past 25 years, but last time I checked, blatantly ripping off the first decade of another artist's career is still kind of, uhm, illegal. 

A video has leaked of Madonna rehearsing for her upcoming MDNA tour in Israel, and in it she performs a mash-up of her iconic 1989 hit "Express Yourself" and Lady Gaga's song "Born This Way."

Comparisons were made about the two tracks as soon as Lady Gaga released "Born This Way" in 2011, and when Madonna was asked about it by ABC News she said, "I thought, this is a wonderful way to redo my song. I mean, I recognized the chord changes." She then went on to call it "reductive," which quickly became the most looked-up word of the year. I love Madonna because she's always teaching me something new. Like pretentious words every smart cunt should keep in her back pocket. As soon as "reductive" slid off her tongue, I squealed like my 15-year-old closeted self who knew every line to Truth or Dare.

The best part about the below clip is that the song ends with Madonna singing from the chorus of "She's Not Me" off her 2008 album Hard Candy. The song is about a copycat, with lyrics like, "She's not me/She doesn't have my name/She'll never have what I have/It won't be the same."

Of course, Madonna is aware that imitation isn't always the highest form of flattery -- Guy Bourdin is still rolling in his grave over her video for "Hollywood."

Doesn't Lady Gaga know you're only supposed to rip off dead people?!