Can you sing, dance, strip or...other? It's your time to shine. Head to Numbers every Tuesday between now and June 9th for your chance to win a ticket to the grand finale on June 16th. The grand prize is $650.

Turns out Celebrities' James Steck and Priape's Michael Schelt convinced me to enter as an amateur lap dancer. Song choice: Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. 

If you're recoiling in horror, I understand. It was one part Demi Moore from Striptease, one part Zac Effron after a couple sour apple shooters. Weird thing is that I won the competition last night and may or may not be going to the finale on the 16th. Here was my competition:

Subject: X-RATED Returns to Celebrities
Everyone’s favorite club night with a lot of porn is back tomorrow night.  Dance performances by Raging Stallion's exclusive porn superstar DAVID TAYLOR. This tattooed hottie has appeared in many porn videos and porn site, such as jakecruise.com, where he barebacks Porn Star Leo Giamani. You can also find him on randyblue.com, smutjunkies.com and in DVD’s Screwed & Sweet Release and so many more.  Shows at 11:30pm & 1am with autograph signing after. Dance to the tunes of DJ Denny, plus Non-Stop Go Go Boys and some special NUDE SURPRISES.  The Cruising balcony will be opened for you to do naughty things. Doors open at 9pm, get on the guest list at www.celebritiesnightclub.com

The trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie...well, I'll let it speak for itself.It comes out July 10.

Not sure why this is such a good thing? Here's a clip from his show:

This is for all those times you walk into someone's place and think, Hmmm.

I just gotta say: black curtains, blond wig, red breifs, piles of laundry.

I just gotta say: I love Lurid Digs.

Cute gay guy: check. Attractive lady friend: check.

Smart concept for online show through jezebel.com creates Pot Psychology: checkmate.

Click here to find out more. This video is hilarious. Enjoy.

So it turns out not really eating for four days is a lot like mono. The second best diet ever? You be the judge...no, wait a minute, you won't be this week. I'm not really feeling like posting photos of myself in light of what may be salmonella poisoning. I hope you understand.

In other news, I was sitting in the waiting room at the clinic on Davie by Shoppers Drug Mart yesterday afternoon waiting to see a doctor when a man with no underwear on (don't ask me how I could tell because you really don't want to know) walked into the clinic with a bag of urine and after shouting for a bit at the nurse at the counter, he sat down on table covered with magazines and started emptying the urine bag all over the floor.

Contrary to what my friend Amanda thought, the nurse did not slam the phone down angrily and tell him, "You're really PISSING ME OFF!" - though I wish the nurse had.

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"The News" is really going for it nowadays: