Blitz & Shitz - October 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008

How to get rid of hickies

Dear loyal Up Your Alley reader: I'm having a great time in Toronto. 

Wish you were here (maybe you already are). To date, my Vancouver-Ottawa-Toronto book tour has been a tour de forced entry.

Did you expect any less?

Captive audiences, microphones, penis jokes about the microphones, lit-crazy groupies...

and then I woke up this morning to this in my vancouvergayblog@gmail.com account:

 
Whoa. I mean, WHOA! Let's start with the obvious: that's a big hickey. Here's the content from the email:
 
I have an epic hickey because I was too into my bf at the time to notice. The gay is strong with you, Sean. How can I get rid of this?
 
Dear reader, the gay is strong with me and I have both gay, Ben Gay and non-gay solutions for your problem. Try one or all of the following:
 
1) Apply Ben Gay (obviously).
 
2) In the future, do not let men or women give you hickeys. Your neck looks old enough to know better. You should know better too.
 
3) When you walk into the bathroom and realize a toilet plunger just made mad love to your neck, immediately apply ice.
 
4) Wear a turtleneck, sweater, make-up or all of the above. Hell, wear a beret too, just because you can.
 
5) Gently rub and massage the area - other parts of your body enjoy surface stimulation, so does your new hickey.
 
(and lastly, from howtogetridofstuff.com) 
 
6) Use any tubular object with a domed end (significant pause), apply steady pressure over the hickey and twist. It will hurt, but it will hurt good.
 
Sounds like a second date to me - make sure you follow cure #2 this time.
 

Monday, October 27, 2008

Where's my blog?


We've had some technical difficulties here on Up Your Alley - for those of you who woke up this morning/Friday morning. only to find yourself blogless and (therefor) devastated in the cold cold morning, fear not! Things will be up and running later this afternoon. A reader sent me something hilarious and I'm just working out the logistics of getting it online.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Part of the weekend never dies...

"It's like It's All Gone Pete Tong on crack"

Sound good? I've been hearing on and off about this Soulwax documentary ("must see" "mind-blowing" yada yada) but the girl who screams at 1:12 of the following teaser pretty much made me pee my pants. And as a friend of mine pointed out this evening: yellow is not my colour.

 

Here's a legit clip from the doc: 

 



And here's the Soulwax (who I had never heard of until this year) bio from Wikipedia:

 

Soulwax, headed by David and Stephen Dewaele, are an alternative rock/electro band from Ghent, Belgium. The two are perhaps best known for their influential contributions to the bastard pop genre under the names Flying Dewaele Brothers and 2 many dj's and the landmark record As Heard On Radio Soulwax Pt. 2. The Dewaele Brothers have also released several major albums under the "Soulwax" moniker, including Leave The Story Untold (1996), Much Against Everyone's Advice (1999), Any Minute Now (2004), "Nite Versions" (2005) and "Most of the Remixes... (2007).

______________________________

**Final reminder: get your Vancouver International Writers Festival tickets this week - and make sure you come to Event #33 - Gazebo. It's tonight at 8pm. I'm performing with seven other authors. Ski pants are sexy. Don't follow? Maybe you should come down to VIWF's most popular night to find out what the eff I'm talking about. Billeh Nickerson hosts. For ticket information, click here** 


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Behind the scenes on Destineak's "Gimme What I Came For" music video shoot

Listen, people. It has been my dream since two weeks ago to appear in a hot, up-and-coming Canadian musical group's new music video slated for international release on November 10, 2009. Not just any hot, up-and-coming Canadian musical group's new music video, but in Destineak's new video. Need to learn more about Destineak? Click here...

Now listen, this wasn't just any dream. Nay, dear reader, I had night-dreamed, day-dreamed and gay-dreamed about this video dream for two weeks. And for the record, I fought long and hard during those two dream-filled weeks for my two-week dream to become realer than a dream. And like all rags-to-dreamy-short-shorts stories, this one also has a happy ending.

I'm in the video, bitches! Heeeeyoooooooooooo!

Thanks to a fantastic freelance photographer named John Inch - who stayed beyond the call of duty and shared his pictures with yours truly despite not being required to do so - Xtra's participation in event is ready for the public record. And hey, if you like John Inch's work and would like to contact him, email wreckme@shaw.ca ... THANKS JOHN!!

I'd also like to thank Bobby and Christina from Destineak for letting me and the short-short gay squad participate...Rob and Miguel you rock...and eveyone else, damn you look good, work good, film good etc...UGHN!

I'm posting photos first and for those of you reading this outside of Vancouver/overseas, I've attached my print column following the photos for reference. Enjoy. I'll update you on video progress as Destineak updates me.

First scene




Directors hard at work: Tim Kingsbury, Chris Lyne, Christina Sing, Bobby James (front)


Destineak's Christina Sing:



Bobby James from Destineak:


Velvet Steele:


Who wears short-shorts? (And yes kids, that's water in those bottles...weird tasting brown water)





Sex booth...weeeeooooooooooooooooo




And me and Rob's big scene:





Cocked & Loaded Special Feature: Destineak

Just when I think to myself: “Hey, this Xtra! West social reporter gig couldn’t cram anymore sex into sexy,” Christina Sing and Bobby James from electro-funk-rock supergroup Destineak had to go and invite me to participate in a music video shoot at the Odyssey on October 17.

Their only request? “We need you in your sexiest, coolest kit to come dance and act rowdy.”

Who could resist an invitation like that? Having a sense that this was going to be something unique and special, I brought a small gay squad (two of my hottest, short-short wearing friends) and also photographer John Inch to document the day. His photos are in this print edition. For more behind the scenes shots, visit www.xtra.ca/blog/vancouver.

Let’s just say me and the gay squad ended up in the "sex booth" scene. If you YouTube Britney Spears’ “I’m a Slave 4 U” video, you’ll get an idea of what we were up to.

Anyway, in the spirit of the upcoming international release of Destineak’s new single “Gimme What I Came For” I’m going to break from the traditional Cocked & Loaded format to give you a snapshot of one of the hottest musical acts to come out of Vancouver since Swollen Members changed the face of Canadian hip-hop in 2001.

Do me a favour and ask yourself the following: what if everything you thought you knew about house music in Canada was wrong?

Destineak’s unique blend of danceable beats, live drumming and scorching hot vocals is going to take Christina Sing and Bobby James from local indie dance-darlings to Canada’s next legitimate big thing.

Remember: you heard it here in Xtra! West first.

Both Christina and Bobby are talented, driven and drop-dead gorgeous, both also exude a type of effortless charm that imbues their every word (written, spoken, sung or otherwise) with an appeal that transcends musical genres and sexual politics. They are not exclusively dance or pop, just as they are not exclusively for straights or queers – they make music for everyone.

They’ve performed together since 2004, though both enjoyed successful careers as independent artists throughout the 1990s. “Gimme What I Came For” also opened up another artistic avenue for Christina and Bobby: screenwriting and film direction.

The pair directed and produced the video with assistance from Tim Kingsbury (who is the first man I’ve met who successfully managed to wear leather pants in public) and Chris Lyne. It’s slated for international release on November 10th through Germany-based Decks Tracks.

In a post-video shoot wrap up, Christina pointed out to me that the video’s concept (seeing clubbing through the eyes of a young man during his first visit to a night club) is something most urbanites will relate to. “This is a true story for a lot of us in Vancouver.  You don't really ‘belong’ anywhere,” she explained. “Then you come to a club like the Odyssey, where you discover it is a home away home, where you can be yourself, and let all of your inhibitions go, while dabbling in erotic, groove ridden, happy times.”

During that same wrap up interview, I asked Bobby what was next for Destineak.

“World domination,” he joked. “This single will heat things up for our upcoming EP set to be released next spring.  We are currently exploring options that have presented themselves in Asia and the UK. A tour is very likely. We are still shopping for the right management.  We have been busy building all of the websites, maintaining all the online profiles, making all the promo, booking all the shows, designing all the visuals, editing all the videos, making all the music...” (breath) “We have been very busy.”

To learn more about the duo, listen to their music or view live performances, visit www.myspace.com/destineak and www.destineak.com.

Now it’s back to business as usual and my picks for the upcoming weeks:

If you’d like to see Destineak live in concert, on SAT OCT 25 they are playing at the Saturday Evening Gala Dinner Party "Moonlight over the Midway" at the Vancouver Marriott Pinnacle. This is a part of a three day InterPride Conference happening in Vancouver.  For more information, visit: www.interpride08.com/entertainment.html.

The Vancouver International Writers Festival runs October 21 – 26. This year, on THU OCT 24, I’m one of eight writers at the fifth-annual Thursday-Night-Anything-Goes evening of blood, sweat and beers. This year’s event will also feature the Festival’s first ever nipple-piercing give-a-way, our infamous Festival dancers and host Billeh Nickerson’s mom. Get your ticket before the event sells out. Visit www.writersfest.bc.ca for event info.

It’s almost Halloween – check out the listings and choose what suits you best. The Flame and The Dame were the first ones to invite me anywhere, so on FRI OCT 31, I’m going to Disturbia at the Majestic. DJ/producer and Star 69 recording artist Hector Fonseca will be headlining, with an opening set by DJ Crystal Adare and a performance by Syren. The infamous Tommy D will be performing as well…not to be missed. And of course, for you Eastside types, the Odd Ball will be hosting its grand finale at the WISE Hall, also not to be missed.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tuesday Hotness - Evan Wadle

**Just a reminder to get your Vancouver International Writers Festival tickets this week - and make sure you come to Event #33 - Gazebo. It's Thursday night at 8pm. I'm performing with seven other authors. Ski pants are sexy. Don't follow? Maybe you should come down to VIWF's most popular night to find out what the eff I'm talking about. Billeh Nickerson hosts. For ticket information, click here**

My buddy Shane at Queer Two Cents has been giving me some blog love so it's my turn to return the favour. Shane has great taste in men and I check his blog regularly for my weekly allotment of beefcake. I'd never even heard of Evan Wadle until today...oh Tuesday Hotness, you incorrigible rapacious scoundrel you, I heart you for helping me oogle hot uber-models via the internet.

Note: upon further research, Evan Wadle is a blog whore (not to be confused with a blog Horlor, which is me) - is there any blog he hasn't done? Is there? IS THERE? 

That said, I'm happy to report that Evan can add an Up your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog notch to his blog belt...

 



 

I don't think I've ever like North Face as much as I do right now...



Ah who am I kidding...lose the bag already.

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Just call me Dorian Gay.

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