This bitch!

Honestly, the past few months I've been in gay heaven because Lady Gaga has been out of the spotlight while recuperating from synovitis which forced her to cancel The Born This Way Ball Tour which was fine because no one gave a shit about it anyway, Madonna was on tour at the same time.

A long ass time ago it was reported that Cher had recorded a duet with Lady Gaga called "The Greatest Thing" written by Gaga and Red-One in 2007. Cher confirmed it, and fans have been harassing her on twitter (follow her the woman is fabulous and fucking funny), wondering when the song was going to drop. It was supposed to be the first single off Cher's upcoming 26th album, but when @hausofdickie tweeted, "how bout the Greatest Thing feat. @ladygaga ? We've waiting for long time". 

Cher replied, "U think You’ve Waited? It’s done & She doesn’t like it,or Want it to come out.She’s an ARTIST,it’s Up to Her.Im Disappointed 2".

Drop the little monster, Cher. As your performance of "Woman's World" on last night's The Voice finale, and your upcoming New York Pride performance prove, you don't need her! 

Dr Masaru Emoto's Water, Consciousness & Intent experiment has gained him worldwide recognition for his claim that water is connected to our individual and collective consciousness. 

Here's a description of the experiment, the basis of his books, Messages from Water, The Hidden Messages in Water and The True Power of Water:

Mr. Emoto has been visually documenting these molecular changes in water by means of his photographic techniques. He freezes droplets of water and then examines them under a dark field microscope that has photographic capabilities. 

Some examples from his works include:

Water from clear mountain springs and streams had beautifully formed crystalline structures, while the crystals of polluted or stagnant water were deformed and distorted.

Distilled water exposed to classical music took delicate, symmetrical crystalline shapes. 

When the words "thank you" were taped to a bottle of distilled water, the frozen crystals had a similar shape to the crystals formed by water that had been exposed to Bach's "Goldberg Variations"- music composed out of gratitude to the man it was named for. 

When water samples were bombarded with heavy metal music or labeled with negative words, or when negative thoughts and emotions were focused intentionally upon them, such as "Adolf Hitler", the water did not form crystals at all and displayed chaotic, fragmented structures.  

Check out a video demonstrating the different crystals. It's incredible:

The Ryan and Amy Show, which saw the return of Ryan Steele and Amy Goodmurphy to Davie Street after a year off from performing, was triumphant, gassy and as much of a trip as the parents-returning-from-a-rave-high-as-fuck-on-party-mix sketch. Their techno moves and pacifier pouts are legendary! 

Steele and Goodmurphy have great chemistry and are like perverted soul sisters onstage.

There was a “We’re worried about your hole” video clip, about keeping your butthole healthy and happy -- after all, it is the third most important body part: “Head, heart, and hole” are basically the new holy trinity. 

“Listen to your hole if you want to be happy,” they sang to the melody of “Listen to Your Heart” by Roxette: “Listen to your hole if you want to survive.” The comparison clips of happy and unhappy holes fit right in amongst the toilet humour. Ryan and Amy are simply scat queens, and I love them for it! The farting was a continuous score throughout the show, accentuated by raucous applause and laughter. 

It was great to see The Junction so busy with the sun still in the sky. The house was as packed as it is at closing time when everyone is rushing around to find a dick to do their last bump off! 

Ah, good times.

The show was two hours of dress-up-box madness. There were so many sketches, costume changes, video interludes and characters, it went by in a flash. Ryan and Amy as Pee-wee Herman. Amy as serial killer Aileen Wuornos sitting at the 1181 bar. Amy as a twinked out/tweaked out (and perfectly smooth, toned and bronzed) power bottom in the video clip Twinks, which had such great lines it makes the Shit Gay Guys Say, etc, viral comedy videos seem stale in comparison.

The two comedians were at their best as musical duo Moms over Miami, Susan and Judy, whose songs were as awkward as the mom jeans riding up their asses. Lyrics like “You get your period, but you like how the tampon feels. Tiny victories, tiny victories” felt oddly anthemic roaring out of The Junction’s speakers. 

Moms over Miami’s other hit, “Yolot” ("You Only Live One Time"), was a perfect reminder to live it laughing.