As much as I love the internet, there is one major downside to it: it completely blurs the line between perfect satire and legitimate crazy.

Think about it: how often can you tell anymore whether someone is completely and totally batshit nuts or just another internet troll who puts way too much time and effort into enraging people because hobbies are fun? Exactly. We need more definition when it comes to crazy assholes.

Like this one. This is Joseph Sciambra, and I sincerely hope this is a clever ruse, because if it isn't, he fails in more ways than I previously thought humanly possible. Sciambra claims that he's ex-gay (he's not), that he's an ex-gay pornstar (he's not), and that gay sex is how homosexuals give birth to the devil (I -- OH MY FUCK. What is -- I don't even -- THE FUCK?). Once again, I really hope this is a joke, because if it's not, then there are people out there who honest to god think gay anal sex leads to devil birth. 

Yes, I know, let's get this low-hanging fruit of a joke out of the way before we begin: hung like a horse. There, I didn't enjoy that and neither did you, but . . . Let's just move past this, okay?

In case you weren't 100 percent sure that reparative therapy was complete bullshit, a Virginia church is promising to "cure" men of their homosexuality by -- and I swear I'm not making this shit up -- making them jack off horses. Oh my fuck.

The Cowboy Church of Virginia, led by chief pastor Raymond Bell, believes homosexuality and other "addictions" can be cured by Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.

Horse therapy, in the right hands, can be used to help overcome fears, develop communication skills, and is generally beneficial to mental health.

But Bell says the horses in his church, a cowboy ranch in the south, are part of teaching men to stop being gay and encourage them to be more masculine. [Source]

Wait, so they're trying to cure homosexuality by replacing it with bestialisty? The hell? How is that better? That's like trying to cure people of their left-handedness by making them punch orphans in the face with their right hands: it doesn't actually work, but it does probably make you a worse person.

So this happened.

Oh Jesus, where to start?

First off, Justin Bieber is receiving the Diamond Jubilee Medal, which is given to Canadians who've contributed to the Canadian community in some way. He decided to do so while wearing an outfit he borrowed from fucking Kris Kross. No, seriously, are those drop-crotch overalls? Did Bieber think wearing a shirt with "I fuck barnyard animals!" written on it would be too obvious?

Second: You really have to love how Harper is honouring someone who contributed to the Canadian community by travelling as far away from it as humanly possible. Harper, I may not be your biggest fan, but you are a shady bitch and I love you for it.

Third: Could they really not find a better Canadian artist than Justin Bieber? Bieber wasn't chosen because of his artistic merits; he was chosen because an inordinately large number of impressionable teenaged girls love him. We're now rewarding high school popularity. It's over, Canada. We can no longer claim superiority over the United States.

Does the concept of possession and exorcism confuse anyone else? I mean think about it: the whole thought process behind possession is that horrid demons from an endless pit of torment regularly claw their way into our world for the sake of . . . doing nothing. Seriously, you're going to worm your way into the earth realm so that you can possess a white-trash, middle-American woman instead of, shall we say, a politician, a celebrity, a scientist, just ANYBODY ELSE.

What I'm trying to say is that either demons are dumb as shit, or "possession" is just mental illness as interpreted through religious dogma.

Don't believe me? Watch this video showing a pastor performing a "gay exorcism" as he expunges a gay demon from this man's body. Well, not really. Mostly they just sort of babble at each other until they start screaming incoherently. Honestly, it borders on vaudeville the way these two morons pass the mic back and forth with precise comedic timing. It's like an Abbott and Costello routine, only instead of talking about who's on first, they spew gibberish at each other.

Once again: either demons are stupid fucks, or this is bullshit. 

Maybe you heard about this, but back in June, Greece's Golden Dawn party made international headlines when one of its MPs threw a drink at a fellow MP before getting into a physical altercation with another. I would like to reiterate: this guy is a member of parliament in Greece.

Well, the Golden Dawn has decided to move away from assaulting women on TV to more pressing issues: specifically, protesting Corpus Christi, a play that depicts Jesus as gay. No, totally, Greece is in a severe economic depression, but gay Jesus? That shit's the real problem. This is a firsthand account from a gay man who was allegedly assaulted by a member of Golden Dawn while police did nothing.

"I managed to leave and they kept shouting at me, 'You run away you faggot, you ass-muncher.' I looked back from half a block away, and then this other Golden Dawn MP comes over to me and he punches me in the face.   

"'Cry you little girl,' he says. 'Cry, you faggot.'"   

"I fell to the curb and he kicked me. My glasses were gone. I'm shouting, 'Police, police, help, they are beating me,'" says Manolis. "The police officers turned their back and pretended not to see. As I moved away, one of them blew me a kiss." (Source)

To be fair, you do have to remember what Jesus presumably said in the Bible about something like this:

"Lo, if anyone should ever depict me as being gay, thou shouldst feel free to totally forget about all that 'love thy neighbour' stuff and beat the shit out of them. Hey, when I told you guys to love everyone, I didn't mean everyone everyone." - Jesus, 4:20 from The Book of No One.