Hey, remember Jeremy Irons? He is that English actor with a voice like smooth butter toffee. I think he was the voice of Scar from The Lion King, who was admittedly the worst Disney villain ever because his plans were horribly short-sighted and inefficient, but still. That guy was Jeremy Irons.

Well, in an interview with The Huffington Post, Irons talked a little bit about the gay marriage debate, stating that while he doesn't have any strong opinions either way, he thinks that it'll lead to fathers marrying their sons. Consequently, I'm starting to see why he hasn't really done any major movies in a while. Just a hunch here.

"Could a father not marry his son?" Irons asked HuffPost Live host Josh Zepps. Irons argued that "it's not incest between men" because "incest is there to protect us from inbreeding, but men don't breed," and wondered whether same-sex marriage might allow fathers to pass on their estates to their sons without being taxed.

"It seems to me that now they're fighting for the name," Irons said of advocates for same-sex marriage as opposed to civil unions. "I worry that it means somehow we debase, or we change, what marriage is. I just worry about that."

Irons reiterated that he "[doesn't] have a strong feeling either way" on same-sex marriage, and said that he "[wishes] everybody who's living with one other person the best of luck in the world, because it's fantastic." 

Does anyone else get the feeling that Jeremy Irons has no idea what gay marriage actually is? Because so far, he just compared homosexuality to incest and doesn't seem to understand the difference between marriage and civil unions, other than the fact that they're named differently. All these years, I figured the guy was a genius, but it turned out he just has a really nice voice because he's dumb as shit.

If someone actually sat him down and explained this to him, I kinda feel like he'd change his mind here since a lot of his argument stems from his own lack of insight on the matter. Still though, that definition of incest . . . That's not how that works, right? Could someone back me up on that one? 

Every year, literally every goddamn year, high schools everywhere try and fail to ban gay couples from going to prom. You would figure after a while most of them would have recognized the pattern of massive public scrutiny, media backlash and failure, but nope. They keep trying every friggin' year.

Even though prom season isn't for another four months, stories about attempted gay-prom bans have been making the news. Yes, really. Just because they work as educators, doesn't mean any of them are actually educated. 

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, a Missouri school lost the battle to stop a gay student from bringing his boyfriend to prom.

Stacy Dawson (right) is a 17-year-old senior at Scott County Central High School in Sikeston, MO, where school administrators told him he couldn’t invite his boyfriend to prom because of a mandate in the student handbook that said,  “students will be permitted to invite one guest, girls invite boys and boys invite girls.” 

Dawson questioned the policy, but was told the school board would not consider revising it.

So the intrepid student called up the Southern Poverty Law Center and, on Thursday, they  sent the school and the district a letter reminding them that Dawson had some basic human rights. [SOURCE]

Here's the thing I don't get about people who try to ban gay marriage or gay prom or gay cake: you're protecting nothing from a threat that doesn't exist.

Seriously, the sanctity of marriage? Are you kidding me with this shit? Marriage started out as a way of bartering kids for land. If marriage was the same today as it was back in the "sanctity" days, every wife would come with the deed to a free house.

And fucking prom? It's like you're not even trying. Prom is just a night for teenagers to get drunk, have some desperate over-the-pants hands fun with Jordan McRay from honours English, and then never see each other ever again. Honestly, all you're defending here is underage drinking and pity sex from a menace that exists solely within the confines of your own mind. Which is totally not something a crazy person would do, ever. 

No. NO. Goddammit, stop it with this already.

Tomorrow is Dec 21, 2012, or the supposed date of the Mayan apocalypse, an imaginary doomsday concocted by crazy people who seem to think that the world will end because the Mayans got tired of hand-carving calendars out of stone. To which I reply: seriously? We're capable of mass production on a global scale, and we can't even be bothered to make calendars up through 2013; can you imagine having to chisel thousands of years' worth of dates? Exhausting. But that doesn't mean the world is ending.

But I'll level with you here: here's drag legend Peppermint's pitch-perfect Azealia Banks parody about the Mayan apocalypse. There, we even now? No more of this shit. No more apocalypse parties, no more terrible movies and fake TV specials, just . . . stop this shit. Stop this shit now.

You know what One Million Moms needs? A copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. Sure, the book is essentially garbage, but bored suburban mothers love it, and god knows, these numerically challenged nimrods could use a hobby.

And it would keep me from having to pay these hopeless douchebags attention. Apparently, they're still pissed off that Ellen DeGeneres exists and are calling her new JC Penney commercial "offensive." Yes, really.

Since April, JC Penney's has not aired Ellen DeGeneres in one of their commercials until now. A new JCP ad features Ellen and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again. Christians must now vote with their wallets. We have contacted JC Penney's several times in the past with our concerns, and they will not listen. They have decided to ignore our complaints so we will avoid them at all costs. [SOURCE] 

No, I can't imagine why they'd ignore your insane complaint either. For the record, here's the commercial in question:

HOLY JESUS FUCKNUTS, THEY WERE RIGHT. That was more offensive than an entire season of Family Guy combined. Or, like, any episode of Two Broke Girls. Take your pick.

But in all seriousness, are these people serious? Ellen DeGeneres is the most inoffensive comedienne ever. Polkaroo is more hardcore than Ellen DeGeneres. I honestly can't think of a single objective bad thing I can say about Ellen, because god help me, she's a total sweetheart and probably the most G-rated person out there. If the idea of a funny, charming lesbian celebrating Christmas blows your mind, then you may want to lay off the mental gymnastics. I'm sure both your brain cells must be just exhausted by now. 

You know what's awesome? When the people least knowledgeable about sex decide to talk about sex anyway.

Take this a-hole from Ignite Church, for instance. In all likelihood, this guy probably thinks babies come from storks and girls pee from their butts. So of course, it's his job to give sex advice to teens, becausing passing on your complete lack of intelligence to young people who don't know any better has never backfired, except for every time this exact scenario has happened.

No, seriously, this is fucked up. Look, it's fine for someone to be an idiot. It's not fine, however, when you start instilling your own stupidity in others. Just because you can reduce something fun and complex to a joyless, simplistic exercise, doesn't mean you should.