Seriously, whatever happened to Roseanne? She had a great show (that admittedly ended on one of the most depressing notes ever,) she did She-Devil with Meryl Streep, and then she put on her crazy pants and tied her belt up tight. But she's been pretty pro-gay, so good for her, right?

Except it turns out that while Roseanne supports the gays, she went on Twitter today and said some pretty screamingly transphobic things. Basically, Roseanne thinks that transgender women are sexual predators and doesn't want them in women's bathrooms. Yes, seriously. The condensed version from Queerty, because trying to cull her diatribe off her actual Twitter account is impossible. Seriously, people: you don't have to retweet everything people say about you on Twitter.

When one of her Twitter followers mentioned that Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein “is also in favour of letting men into spaces where little girls get changed.”—a reference to Stein’s support for trans rights—Barr tweeted back, “if she has a penis she is not allowed in.”

When a Twitter user accused Barr of transphobia, she tweeted back, “Women do not want your penises forced in their faces or in our private bathrooms. Respect that FACT.”

Angry tweets came fast and furious, with many trans folks and their allies expressing dismay that someone like Barr was taking such a stance.

One replied: “@TheRealRoseanne, I’m extremely disgusted in your transphobic behaviour. I HAD a lot of respect for you. You are no ally.”

More recently, Barr tweeted: “I remember when the LGBT community stopped supporting NAMBLA” and claimed “I was instrumental in forcing lgbts to dis include man boy love as part of their program.”

For a woman who claims to be an ally, does anyone else feel like Roseanne seems to have a hard time separating LGBT people from sexual predators? Seriously, I'm pretty sure she just said we'd still be supporting pedophiles if it weren't for her. Stay classy, Roseanne.

Oh, Bret Easton Ellis, you old so and so . . . Yeah, remember the guy who wrote American Psycho? That was the movie about -- and I may be misreading this -- Batman dropping a chainsaw on a hooker because Huey Lewis and the News had better business cards than him. Oh yeah, SPOILER ALERTS! Sorry!

Anyway, he's apparently a really big fan of 50 Shades of Grey. Yeah. That fucking book. Someone actually sat down, read thinly veiled Twilight fan-fiction with elements of poorly researched kink and went "Yes! This book is the best book!" Yes, Bret is such a superfan that he's worried that Matt Bomer, who's rumoured to be up for the part of the male protagonist (?), is going to gay everything up with his gay gayness. Homosexual.

Okay. Let's finalize this. Matt Bomer is totally hot and a very good actor. He is NOT right for Christian Grey and it complicates the role. Fifty Shades of Grey: Matt Bomer: I don't care how good an actor you are but being married to another man complicates things for playing CG. Fifty Shades of Grey: Matt Bomer is NOT about discrimination. It's about an intensely straight actor wanting absolutely to screw Ana Steele. Fifty Shades of Grey: Matt Bomer is NOT about discrimination. It's about an intensely straight actor wanting absolutely to screw Ana Steele. Jesus, the homophobia over Matt Bomer not being Christian Grey is so unsettling and aesthetically retarded. He's NOT right for Christian G. (From Twitter)

Oh, Mary . . . He does know that the point of acting is to pretend to be someone else, right? Like, I'm pretty sure Christian Bale isn't actually a murderous, delusional psychopath just because he played one in a movie, nor do I think that was a prerequisite to get the part. Not to mention the fact that Ellis seems to be blaming Hollywood for his own opinions on gay actors. Admittedly, Hollywood's apparently pretty homophobic, but blaming your own opinions on others is a cop-out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Bret Easton Ellis? Great writer. But a complete fucking internet troll. 

If you're reading this, it's probably because you are a savvy Torontoite who knows where to get your news, interviews and dick jokes. And as a savvy Torontoite (the more I say it, the more I realize that this is not a real word), you probably know full well that Rob Ford sucks ass. Well, it turns out you have the numbers on your side: the Star recently looked over months of tweets mentioning Rob Ford and realized that pretty much everyone on there thinks he's a turd.

Of the roughly 43,000 times Toronto’s mayor was mentioned on various social media sites since he took office last December, fewer than 3,000 posts had a positive tone. The remainder split evenly between negative and neutral.

According to research by locally based Social Media Group, Ford’s popularity among plugged-in Torontonians hit new lows this summer — 61 percent negative — around the time the Fords picked a fight with beloved author (and Canadian Twitter royalty) Margaret Atwood.

First off, what dumbass tries to pick a fight with Margaret freakin' Atwood? The woman is like the Canadian female equivalent of Wil Wheaton. You just don't fuck with her. Anyway, you could say that people are more likely to complain about something publicly than they are to praise it, but I'm going to go with the more logical conclusion here: everyone whose brain functions at a base-enough level to use Twitter knows the guy's douchery knows no ends, while Rob Ford's supporters don't really understand how "the Google" works and think there are tiny people who live inside their computer screens. 

No, seriously. What the shit? I specifically moved to Toronto because everyone here speaks English, and I figured that it was a safe enough place. I mean, it's situated comfortably in the middle of the continent, it's not on any major fault lines, the only nearby body of water is a lake, and we haven't really been hit with any sort of hurricane or tornado in the past couple years.

And then an earthquake hits us. How in the hell did that happen? We barely even get any snow in Toronto, and now you're telling me that at any moment the Earth might open up and swallow us whole? This is total CRAP. But to alleviate the situation, here's Patton Oswalt summing it up in pretty much the funniest way possible on his Twitter account:

Oops! 5.8 mag earthquake I just felt was centered in No Va, where I grew up. I need to apologize. When I was a teen, me and four other friends banished a spider-demon named Thra'axx in a chymic cylinder. Guess who forgot to remind the others to repaint the doom-rim with hobo blood today? #mybad 

Oh internet, you really are too good to me. I mean, between the massive amount of porn that can be found on you and the awesome new Twitter account @CondeElevator, you really are spoiling me.

Conde Elevator is a collection of conversations overheard by an anonymous Condé Nast employee in the elevators of its infamous building. It's super bitchy, super mean and super addictive. Imagine Mean Girls, but in real life. I was considering doing this for Xtra, but it turns out that Xtra writers aren't catty, cutthroat bitches. I know, what a bummer, right?