Goddammit. Just . . . Goddammit. Does anyone else remember the days when Rob Ford was just the dopey buffoon who read while driving? And to think, now the world believes that he allegedly smoked crack. That escalated quickly.

As one of the blogs that broke the story, Gawker is currently crowdsourcing funds on Indiegogo to buy the publishing rights to the alleged video, which are reportedly going for $200,000. Yes, for the price of a house, Gawker can post a video that allegedly shows our mayor smoking crack. Fantastic.

This is a fluid situation. The people who have this video have been straight with Gawker so far, and honored every commitment they have made. We have every expectation that they will live up to their end of the bargain and, if enough money is raised, hand over the video. But buying videos of prominent political figures smoking crack inherently involves a bit of unavoidable dodginess. In the even that, for some reason, the deal goes south and we raise the money but don't get the video, Gawker pledges to donate 100% of the proceeds to a Canadian non-profit institution that helps people suffering from drug addiction and its various consequences. We'll figure out what that is later if it comes to it.

I've said this before, but I'll say it again: I'm by no means Rob Ford's biggest fan, but please, oh for the love of the invisible bearded giant that lives in the sky, please don't let this be true. It would be great if Toronto didn't become the city whose mayor got caught smoking crack. And $200,000 going to charity would be a lot better than it going to some random dude who may or may not have said video. Please please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let this just be a fake.

For the past two years, Toronto Pride has been missing a pretty conspicuous public figure: Rob Ford. Granted, the queer community and Ford have never been overtly friendly, but the popular opinion has always been that Ford should at least make an effort to celebrate Pride and we would make an effort to make him feel welcome.

Well, after two years of no-shows, Doug Ford has claimed, in a talk to a Ryerson University law class, that brother Rob will, in fact, make an appearance at the raising of the Pride flag to kick off TO Pride, according to the Toronto Star.

“He’s gonna raise both flags; it’s a done deal,” Ford told the class.

Ford and Councillor Kristyn Wong-Tam were guest speakers at a law class titled Law, Business and Politics in the Real World, taught by Ralph Lean, a colourful political fundraiser who has said he’d be willing to help Ford’s next campaign. (Lean backed George Smitherman in the last election.)

“A big round of applause,” said Wong-Tam, council’s only openly gay member, in response to Doug Ford’s declaration. 

While I've criticized Ford in the past, I'll give him credit where credit is due here: this is a step in the right direction for him. His record on queer relations is still kinda *nyeh* (that is in no way the technical term for that, I know,) but . . . fuck it. I'm willing to extend the benefit of the doubt on this one. Maybe he'll follow through and better himself; maybe not. But at least for now he's doing well for himself. So let's be good, upstanding LGBT folk and love and tolerate the shit out of him.

After spending the first few months of the year fighting charges of conflict-of-interest and campaign overspending, Rob Ford is now under scrutiny over a possible substance abuse problem, after he was allegedly asked to leave the Garrison Ball due to intoxication.

Ford was asked about a Tuesday report that said some people close to him are worried about his health and that he was asked to leave the Feb. 23 Toronto Garrison Ball in response to organizers’ concerns about his condition.

“It’s an outright lie; it’s the Toronto Star going after me again and again and again,” Ford told a large crowd of reporters. “They’re relentless, that’s fine, I’ll go head to head with the Toronto Star any time.”

Ford was asked what specifically in the story he was calling a lie.

“Let’s just wait until the election is and then we’ll see what happens,” the mayor replied.

“It’s just lies after lies and lies and I’ve called you pathological liars and you are, so why don’t you take me to court? Let the courts decide. It’s about George Chuvalo today — have some respect.”

I'm by no means one of Rob Ford's fans -- the Rob Ford tag to the right will attest to that -- but if you honest to god think Ford has a drinking problem, maybe hold off on the questioning for now.

If this were about everyday stupidity, then fine, the daily fuck-ups of celebrities and politicians is pretty much fair game. Substance problems, however, aren't really what I would qualify as fair game.

Maybe I just have a soft spot for people I think need help, but the whole situation just feels kinda non-kosher. If he actually has a problem, hopefully those close to him encourage him to seek help. That being said, this feels like one of those situations where taking a step back might be in order.

Hey, so remember how Rob Ford broke campaign spending rules by exceeding the limit by about $40,000? Yeah, well, turns out they're not going to bother prosecuting him after all.

The city’s three-member compliance committee voted 2-1 on Monday to drop the case rather than begin a prosecution. Ford would have faced possible penalties including a fine and removal from office.

The committee meeting ended in dramatic fashion. Committee member John Hollins tabled a motion to prosecute. But Virginia MacLean quietly said she dissented. After a pause, Colbourne said he too would not support Hollins's proposal. 

In an hour-long presentation, Ford's lawyer, Tom Barlow, had argued that a prosecution would not serve "the public interest." Ford's breaches were small and inadvertent, he said, and Ford has learned important lessons. [SOURCE]

And herein lies the crux of trying to attack Rob Ford: while he's constantly -- CONSTANTLY -- fucking up, it's never bad enough for people to go into full-blown outrage. A roll of the eyes, a week's worth of punch lines maybe, but one of the few things Ford does right is that he screws up enough to get called out but not enough for the city by and large to hold him accountable.

The result of this is that Ford's fan base rallies behind him stronger. His poll numbers actually went up from 45 percent to 48 percent since the campaign spending trial. I get it: Ford seems like a humble man of the people, in that he's about as competent as any average Torontonian could be. It's relatable. And when the government cracks down on him, it just makes it look like big government is going after the common folk, despite the fact that Ford is rich as balls, and oh yes, he's the mayor of Toronto. But people will still see it as elitists and intellectuals condescending to the average person.

Once again, I like the average Torontonian. But I don't want the average person running a city. I want the smartest, most competent people available. I want someone who actually knows what they're doing, and not just someone who fucks up but never so badly that it can't be glazed over. A lack of knowledge or experience can be forgivable within reason, but not when you're running one of the biggest cities in North America. 

Hey, so remember last week when Ford was allowed to remain in office after an appeal ruled in his favour over his conflict-of-interest case? Well, an audit has just found that Ford broke campaign finance rules during his 2010 campaign, and now he might end up getting ousted from office. Again. At this rate, we can all look forward to next week, when Ford will be back in court for punching a kitten in the mouth.

"In our opinion, the candidate's campaign expenses ... exceeded the authorized limit by $40,168," said the report from the three-person audit panel. It means Ford is in an apparent contravention of the Municipal Elections Act.

Ford ran a $1.3 million campaign — but was challenged over money loaned to his campaign by his family company, Deco Labels. The auditors found that the $77,000 loaned by Deco broke the rules because the campaign did not pay interest on the loan. The audit also found a number of other violations of the Act. [SOURCE]

All right, I'll lend some credence to his fan base here: I get why you might like the guy. He sounds like he would be a lot of fun at a party, assuming you avoided any talk of politics and he kept away from the liquor. That being said, being fun at a party does not a mayor make. You know who I want as mayor of Toronto? Someone who knows what the fuck they're doing.

I'm not calling Ford ignorant based on my own judgment here either: I'm calling him ignorant because that was his defence during his conflict-of-interest case. Democracy isn't supposed to be based on who you'd like to have a beer with; it's supposed to be about who, out of a pool of assholes, is the most competent and least asshole-ish. Otherwise, we end up with this dumb A-hole.