Earning the moral high ground against Chris Brown isn't exactly all that hard, considering the guy is a fucking wife-beater, and -- actually, you know what? That wasn't fair. He was never married to Rihanna; I should have called him a "girlfriend-beater." I'm sorry. He was charged with felony assault is what I'm saying.

But in case you were worried his general awfulness as a human being is strictly limited to abusing women he's dating, no! There's so much more! He's also totally homophobic, as he demonstrated in his response to Frank Ocean's coming out. And in case you're wondering: why yes, Chris Brown does display all the tact and grace of an erection at a funeral home.

While leaving Gotha nightclub in Cannes, Chris Brown had some choice words for a paparazzi who asked him about R&B Crooner Frank Ocean. While entering his vehicle Chris was asked about Frank Ocean, to which Brown responded “Man, no homo!” The phrase “no homo” has been immortalized in hip hop culture meaning a rejection of anything that could be deemed as homosexual. Ocean recently informed his fans that he was gay which has since shook [sic] the Hip Hop community making Ocean and [sic] polarized figure. (via PRLog)

And from NewNowNext comes this video of Chris Brown's cousins being sent to chase down Frank Ocean. Yeah, I know, what a lovely little peach this Chris Brown fella must be. A rational and mature person like him must be extra super special talented and everything. 

Jesus... I know, okay? I know. They finally killed Osama, the elections were today, Stephen Harper violated campaign laws because that's what happens when anal warts become sentient and run for office.... A lot of shit just went down in a very short period of time, let's put it that way. And unfortunately, every single joke I could possibly make has already been repeated ad nauseam thanks to the wonders of Twitter. I was considering stealing other people's material, but then I realized I'm not Carlos Mencia. So instead, seeing as how you've all voted, and there's nothing you can really do at this point, let's all take a deep breath and watch this video before we all go back to freaking the shit out.

Someone please call Child Protective Services, because anyone who would force their child to rap about religion clearly does not love their offspring. I'm not sure how or why this exists, but my most educated guess is that someone finally sat down and realized that no one really likes to go to church, ironically because it's hotter than hell. So, they figured a better way would involve dressing a child up as a pedophile and having him rap about Jesus while he has a seizure. I'm not sure what they were going for here, but seeing as how this has simultaneously disproven both God and Darwinism for me, I'm going to go ahead and say that this was something of a lateral move.