I'd like to think that my audience is smart and sophisticated. Hell, I'd like to think that, by and large, everyone who reads Xtra, not just this blog, is smart and sophisticated. Turns out I was wrong. So very wrong. We've just crunched the numbers and found that one of the 10 most-read posts from last month was the one about pejazzling. That's right. One of the most important stories, according to page views, was about putting sparkly shit on your dong.

You know what? Fine. This is how it's gonna be, motherfuckers? Okay then. From now on, Toronto Diary is going to be your 24-hour stop for sparkle cock. I will be the Oprah Winfrey of sparkle cock. "YOU get a sparkle cock, and YOU get a sparkle cock! EVERYBODY GETS A SPARKLE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!" Honeybadger don't care. In fact, here's one now:

In all honesty, thank you for actually reading all of this despite the fact that this blog is written by a college dropout who has absolutely no real overarching plan for it. Yeah, could you tell?  

No really. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY?

All right, I'll give a quick recap for people who are reading the title and wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Once upon a time, Jennifer Love Hewitt decided it would be an awesome idea to get sparkly shit hot glued on her poussoire. She called the practice "vajazzling." (Wave goodbye to any last lingering strands of heterosexuality, kids!) Women everywhere decided it was a good idea, despite the fact that J LoHew is essentially what would happen if you took a fistful of Cathy cartoons and stuck them in an annoying, pear-shaped woman who got dumped by Jamie Kennedy. Basically, if you're looking to her for relationship advice, do the exact opposite of everything she does.

Anyway, someone decided that this would also work on guys. Thus was born "pejazzling": the not-so ancient art of gluing sparkles around your crotch! Now, the only difference between your cock and a diamond is that a diamond is actually hard. But that doesn't really matter because I know at least one person out there is reading this and scheduling an appointment to have his balls covered in glitter. So, to him I say, "Enjoy unintentional celibacy!"