If you followed my advice yesterday, you completely ignored the Super Bowl and instead focused on the superior Puppy Bowl, where everyone is a winner! Except for those who are allergic to dogs. Anyway, thanks to the magic of the internet, I have managed to absorb most of what happened via osmosis. But only the gay parts, which I have listed meticulously for your convenience.
Sexiest and They Know It: LMFAO
No, Seriously: How Is He Straight?-est: Cee Lo
Please Let This Be an Orgy: Please?
Gayest Commercial: Elton John's Pepsi ad
Vagina-est Vagina: Madonna
Finger That Single-Fingeredly Destroyed America: MIA's middle finger
Most Destroyed Balls: This guy's testi . . . OH MY GOD, GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL
Do the Carpets Match the Drapes?: Yes
Most WTF Leg: This guy
Oh Yeah, I Guess She Was There, Too: Sorry, Nicki