Well, here we are: the last day of 2012. Or, more specifically, the last . . . what is it, four hours of the year? Cheesus, the year went by fast. Weird.

Sure, this wasn't the outright best year, but it's not like it was the worst either. We made more baby steps toward a better world, some great art was released, and Pizza Hut finally perfected the technique of putting a slightly smaller pizza inside a slightly larger pizza -- truly, the epitome of man's quest to put shit into cooked crust and cheese.

Farewell, 2012. We had our moments, as listed below, but mostly we'll remember you as the year when a lot of white people thought that the Mayans thought the world would end, and then it didn't. Fucking cocktease. 

Best Movie

The Cabin in the Woods

Yes, I'm sure you could put any Oscar-baiting December release here and it would be acceptable, but The Cabin in the Woods is the only movie that came out this year that absolutely anyone can appreciate, and yet you can't explain the plot to anyone without completely ruining it. The movie is so intricately woven, post-modern and deftly written, that revealing even the smallest piece of the plot would ruin the surprise, like yanking out a piece of a rickety Jenga puzzle. Just watch it (especially if you want to see someone get murdered by a unicorn).

Runners-up: ParaNorman, The Avengers, Moonrise Kingdom

Best TV Series

Parks and Recreation

I seriously debated putting 30 Rock in the top spot, if only because its victory lap of a final season has so far been stellar, but then Parks and Recreation came out with "Halloween Surprise," and just . . . good sweet god, there will never be as sublime a moment of television as when Leslie (Amy Poehler) is proposed to in her dream home. Some other close contenders: RuPaul's Drag Race's stellar fourth season and Key & Peele, if only for their deliciously dark LMFAO satire.

Runners-up: 30 Rock, RuPaul's Drag Race, Key & Peele

Best Album

Frank Ocean's Channel Orange

Usually when people talk about Frank Ocean's Channel Orange, a lot of the focus is on what the album means rather than the album itself. Yes, it was marked by Frank's coming out, and it was one of the first outings by an openly gay R&B artist in a field that isn't all that gay-friendly, but none of that would matter if Channel Orange wasn't a really good album to begin with.

Runners-up: Fiona Apple's The Idler Wheel..., Jessie Ware's Devotion, Sleigh Bells' Reign of Terror

Hottest Guy

Joe Manganiello

Yes, the star of Magic Mike was Channing Tatum, but let's face it: everyone wanted to jump on Joe Manganiello's Big Dick Richie. I mean . . . fuck. FUCK.

Runners-up: Brendon Ayanbadejo, Matt Bomer, Chris Kluwe

Hottest Woman

Jennifer Lawrence

The perfect balance of cute and bombshell, with a quirky personality, a pretty stellar resumé and a candidly refreshing sense of humour.

Runners-up: Emma Stone, Mila Kunis, Zoe Saldana 

Did you know that bloggers know what's good for you better than you do? That's probably not true, but that's not going to stop me from pretending it is by dumping this best-of list on you!

BEST MOVIE

Drive

It's Ryan Gosling being drop-dead sexy and badass for two straight hours. As if that isn't enough, it also features Christina Hendricks' giant boobs of joy and wonder and a scene featuring someone's head getting stomped into pudding in an elevator. Also: I want that scorpion jacket.

Honorable mentions: Bridesmaids, The Weekend, The Artist

BEST ALBUM

Feist's Metals

Am I playing favourites on this one? Maybe a little, but I still count this as an underappreciated gem that was somehow even more complex and beautiful than The Reminder.

Honorable mentions: Adele's 21, St Vincent's Strange Mercy, Drake's Take Care

BEST SINGLE

Adele's "Someone Like You"

Who are you kidding? You know all the lyrics to this song, and when it comes on you will even do that thing where you look out the window and feel all romantically tragic, as if your life were an Academy Award–winning movie and you're being played by Meryl Streep. I already went to great lengths to talk about how great this song is, but goddammit, it is just so fucking good.

Honorable mentions: Lana Del Rey's "Video Games," St Vincent's "Cruel," Childish Gambino's "Freaks and Geeks"

BEST NEW TV SHOW

Suburgatory

We already know how great Breaking Bad and Community are, but at this point, if you aren't already watching them, you have some catching up to do. If you want a show you can pick up now, go with Suburgatory, a sadly neglected comedy that lands somewhere between Juno and Pushing Daisies. Subversively cute and quirky, and it also has Jeremy Sisto as the resident dilf.

Honorable mentions: Picnicface, American Horror Story, Game of Thrones

BEST VIDEO GAME

Portal 2

If you want to know just how good Portal 2 is, consider this: even people who have never played a video game in their life love Portal 2. If I could, I would marry this game. I would have tiny half-human/half-platform-puzzler babies. It also gave the world what is quite possibly the best monologue ever about exploding lemons.

Honorable mentions: Arkham City, Skyrim, Shadows of the Damned

SEXIEST MAN OF 2011

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling? Ryan Gosling! RYAN. GOSLING. (...ryangosling.)

Honorable Goslings: Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling 

SEXIEST WOMAN OF 2011

Christina Hendricks

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobs. Whoever tells you they wouldn't motorboat Christina Hendricks in a heartbeat, slap them in the face, because they are liars.

Honorable mentions: Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Ryan Gosling