Some of you might remember earlier this year when a bakery in the US called Sweet Cakes by Melissa refused to sell a wedding cake to a lesbian couple because . . . I don't know, some shit about it being against their religion. Or maybe they're just allergic to money. Who knows?

Well, I'm revisiting this because Pink News just delivered a delicious, succulent slice of irony: turns out, the aforementioned Sweet Cakes still won't cater for a gay marriage on religious grounds but will supply cakes for events that directly go against their religious beliefs, including a divorce party. Because when you're upholding the sanctity of marriage, sometimes you have to stop and appreciate the sanctity of the opposite of marriage, too.

Five reporters called the Sweet Cakes bakery, as well as Fleur Cakes, which also refused to provide cake for a lesbian couple, to see if either would cater to other “occasions frowned upon by some Christians.”

One reporter asked: “My friend is getting divorced and we’d like to throw her a little party to mark the start of her new life. Do you ever write messages on those — we’d want it to say ‘congratulations!’ — and how much would it be for a cake that could serve about eight people?”

The Sweet Cakes bakery replied, “We can definitely do something like that.”

Other reporters asked for cakes celebrating events such as the birth of a baby outside of marriage, a non-kosher barbecue with meat and shellfish, a solstice party with a pentagram cake, and a party for a “grant for cloning human stem cells.” All were approved by the Sweet Cakes bakery, while Fleur Cakes said yes to the divorcee and the baby. 

Such is the problem with picking and choosing which parts of the Bible you listen to: it's arbitrary as fuck. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, because there are some passages in that book that are just fucking crazy. The problem is when you start using that arbitrariness to try and validate things that aren't morally right. It opens the floodgates a little, and soon you have to face the fact that gay marriage is about as destructive as polyester clothing and shrimp cocktails.

And really, it's fucking cake. If you're getting that bent out of shape over who does and who does not get to taste your delicious cakes, you have too much time on your hands. 

Fun fact: A lot of what is considered "lesbian" porn is designed to appeal to straight guys and features two straight women doing something vaguely adjacent to sex. This brand of porn is about as close to actual lesbian sex as Australia is to the North Pole.

For proof of this, behold what happens when a group of actual lesbians sits down and watches that crap. Their reactions run the gamut from stunned, laughing disbelief to lengthy explanations that what they're watching has no bearing on reality. It's hysterically funny and a healthy reminder that no matter what kind of porn you're watching, it's all fantasy. Unless you do happen to enjoy being penetrated by a high-heeled shoe. In which case, go for it. Do you, honey, do you!

Everyone probably has an embarrassing story about parents meddling in their love lives, right? Someone's mother got a little too pushy, or maybe your dad acted like a clueless cock-block, or maybe you dated a black guy and the first thing your mother asked was "How big is it?" (That last one might be mine. What? She was curious!)

Well, Gigi Chao has yours topped: not only did her richer-than-God father flatly refuse to believe that she was a lesbian in a committed relationship, he also offered a dowry of $500 million in Hong Kong dollars (roughly $65.5 million Canadian) to any man willing to take her. Recently, she opened up to Gay Star News about your dating prospects when you come with half a billion Hong Kong dollars to your name.

She described how George Clooney’s former body double offered to marry her, and how she was inundated with love letters from war veterans and even gay men.

One man wrote every day for five months describing his erotic fantasies about her, and a Mainland Chinese woman offered her own husband. 

For those of you wondering if her dad is bigoted or merely batshit crazy: it's the second. Her dad is butt-nucking futs. 

Describing him as a ‘backseat flyer’ while they drive around in a helicopter, she said he often challenges her to land in the middle of a huge crowd of people.

She says: ‘I’ll be like, “No, Daddy, we really can’t do that.” And he’ll be all like, “Come on Gigi, it’s fine – just do it, do it!”’ 

So yeah, suffice to say the guy might just be a wee bit bonkers. But deep down, he probably really loves his daughter, even if he's kind of oblivious to how she'd like him to express it. 

Off the top of your head, you can probably come up with 20 straight dating sites. Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingle, OkCupid, eHarmony, Match, Lava Life, even that one page on Craigslist where married couples try to shake things up by including an anonymous third. There is literally no end to the number of ways straight guys can find a date on the internet.

Well, now you can add "lesbian dating sites" to the list.

According to an interview with Robyn Exton, the founder of lesbian dating site Dattch, one of the biggest problems they're currently facing is the number of straight guys trying to sneak onto their site and the lengths they'll go to join.

“They are full of fake profiles and no one’s taking the time to go in and make sure it is a genuine profile. A lot of the previous lesbian sites were just add-ons”. Exton says that many of the current lesbian dating sites are an extension of sites originally created for gay men and that this doesn’t serve the intended community.

The idea of men making fake profiles to browse a lesbian site might sound spurious but Exton has been surprised at the rate and extent to which this happens. “Daily, we have about five guys registering for an invite and it’s unsubstantiated, but the emails have a guy’s name on them. We’ve seen fake Facebook accounts set up to try and get invites. You’ll see they set up an account yesterday, have no friends, but they like Dattch and something like ‘Lesbian and bi girlies of London’. It’s amazing that people will go to such an extent that they will try to check out gay women or convert them or meet up with them.” [SOURCE]

Fake Facebook pages? Really? Is it wrong to think that that's WAY too much work just to hook up with someone? That, and I'm guessing things are going to be weird when a straight guy shows up instead of a lesbian. 

It kinda rings as patently unfair for straight guys to bogart in on lesbian dating sites. Do you know how comparatively few lesbian-exclusive dating sites there are out there, as opposed to the number of straight dating sites? There are so many venues that cater to straight guys, there's something severely uncool with trying to hone in on something that belongs to another group. You guys have the rest of the internet to play around in; you don't have to grab onto lesbian hook-up sites, too. 

If we could summarize the Golden Globes in one perfect GIF, it would be this:

But we can't summarize them, since that would be lazy, so let's gloss over everything that happened tonight, shall we?

• First and foremost, Jodie Foster won the Cecil B DeMille award and used her speech to not only sorta come out of the glass closet, but she also announced her retirement from acting, instead opting to go full-time into directing. It was a touching, beautiful moment, slightly offset by the fact that they kept cutting to Mel Gibson.
• Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted and were pretty much the best part of the night. The opening monologue was hilarious, they randomly popped up in the audience for quick visual gags and even managed a shot at Taylor Swift. Speaking of . . .
  
• Adele won the award for Best Song, for "Skyfall," beating out the aforementioned Swift. Swift, now devoid of the opportunity to feign surprise while she accepted an award, shot Adele the most resentful side-eye ever. Between Adele and Tina Fey, Swift now has enough material for a new album.
• Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell did a really great sketch that Tommy Lee Jones did not appreciate one bit.
• Famous rich people won awards and were reassured of the fact that they are rich and famous.
• Amy and Tina closed off the show by making a joke about having a threesome with Jodie Foster. THE BEST.