Toronto Diary - All posts tagged 'doug ford'
Friday, May 10, 2013

Doug Ford said something dumb and homophobic (*insert feigned shock here*)

Guess what one of the Ford brothers did?

Yeah, one of them said something misguided and douchey in a public forum. Honestly, it's not even shocking at this point. I've seen checkerboards with more surprising patterns than those two.

Anyway, one of the Fords (Doug) was speaking in a public forum (a council debate on a proposed bike station) when he brought up something he disagrees with (a shower room he deemed financially wasteful) and used the dumbest reasoning possible to justify his claim (men would use it to hook up). For the record, you can use that basic template for just about any story involving either Rob or Doug Ford. Try it. The posts practically write themselves.

During Friday’s lunch break, Councillor Ford told reporters the bike station would become a bathhouse complete with a towel boy. He later repeated that remark in council, prompting jeers from some councillors.

“It’s going to turn into a bathhouse,” he said.

Councillor Shelley Carroll was the first to ask Councillor Ford to withdraw the remark. She was followed by Councillor Gord Perks, who called the comment homophobic.

Councillor Ford shot back: “Don’t tell me I’m homophobic. I’m donating to the gay Pride Parade.”

Councillor Ford then said there would be “hanky-panky” in the bike-station showers. [SOURCE]

First off, "hanky panky?" Oh god, you might as well have called it a "special grown-up hug." It would have been a lateral move at worst.

Now on to the real matter here: I hate to break this to you, but if you refused to move forward on any building because you were worried gay men might try and fuck in it, nothing would ever get built. Men -- gay or straight -- would fuck on top of a porcupine if given half a chance. This isn't a gay/straight thing, so much as it's a matter of opportunity.

And finally, you could only wish the showers at your bike station looked as good as the ones at a bathhouse. Seriously, have you seen the shower room at Steamworks? Pristine, bitch. Pristine

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Doug Ford is five years old, apparently

Hey, remember how Rob Ford tried to cut spending for HIV/AIDS programs and tried to axe funding for, like, pretty much every worthwhile cause currently receiving some of Ford's precious, precious gravy?

Well, keep that in mind while Doug Ford is trying to build a multimillion-dollar monorail, Ferris wheel, hotel and mall complex. Okay, first off: have you never seen that episode of The Simpsons? Monorails do not work. Conan O'Brien said so. Second, how in the hell can you justify spending shitloads of money on all this when you won't even fork over money to help stop the spread of HIV/AIDS? What bass-ackwards universe are we in where Ferris wheels > AIDS?

Oh, and because the Fords are literally just handing me the setups for fat jokes on a silver platter, Doug allegedly mumbled something about how this was all okay because there would be ice cream at his waterfront monopoly clusterfuck, because when in doubt, the Fords always turn to food. See how easy it is? It's like shooting fish in a barrel. And the barrel is full of Jell-O. 

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Jeremy Feist


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