I think I've finally figured out why Rob Ford is getting rid of the bike lanes on Jarvis St:

He wants to turn Toronto into a Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic demolition derby! Well, it's a theory. More of a hunch, really. Apparently, the guy has the habit of talking on his cell while driving, and, if you call him on it, he'll flip you the bird.

He's, of course, denied it, but we here at Xtra have an exclusive photo taken after police pulled him over for the incident:

Nope, still not above making fun of Rob Ford for being a fat douche.

Story time, kids! You know how Rob Ford decided to spend $200,000 to remove paint from Jarvis St because it was used to distinguish a bike lane? Funny story about that...

Yesterday, I was walking along Bloor St when some poor guy fell ass-over-ankles off his bike, was nearly hit by a car and needed an ambulance. Guess what he could have used? That's right: a proper bike lane. (Also, to the hot dog vendor at Bloor and Ted Rogers who made me pay for ice for the injured man five feet in front of him: you are the worst kind of person. It's not as though you didn't see him, either. He was lying in front of you for a full minute. If you see someone in pain and your first thought is, "Yeah, I can make money off of this," you're fucked up.)

And this morning, as I was walking home on Alexander St, a cyclist on the sidewalk rode his bike directly into my taint.

Here's the thing: you can totally make the argument that paying $200,000 to remove a bike lane that took $75,000 to paint two years ago is a total waste of taxpayer money, but I'm going to go with a different approach. I think cyclists need bike lanes all over the city in order to avoid getting hit by cars and having bikes wedged up into their perineums. Rob Ford, you owe it to the good people of Toronto and their delicate taints to make sure that cyclists are safe and not driving around on sidewalks.

(Image source: Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half)