Well, here we are: the last day of 2012. Or, more specifically, the last . . . what is it, four hours of the year? Cheesus, the year went by fast. Weird.

Sure, this wasn't the outright best year, but it's not like it was the worst either. We made more baby steps toward a better world, some great art was released, and Pizza Hut finally perfected the technique of putting a slightly smaller pizza inside a slightly larger pizza -- truly, the epitome of man's quest to put shit into cooked crust and cheese.

Farewell, 2012. We had our moments, as listed below, but mostly we'll remember you as the year when a lot of white people thought that the Mayans thought the world would end, and then it didn't. Fucking cocktease. 

Best Movie

The Cabin in the Woods

Yes, I'm sure you could put any Oscar-baiting December release here and it would be acceptable, but The Cabin in the Woods is the only movie that came out this year that absolutely anyone can appreciate, and yet you can't explain the plot to anyone without completely ruining it. The movie is so intricately woven, post-modern and deftly written, that revealing even the smallest piece of the plot would ruin the surprise, like yanking out a piece of a rickety Jenga puzzle. Just watch it (especially if you want to see someone get murdered by a unicorn).

Runners-up: ParaNorman, The Avengers, Moonrise Kingdom

Best TV Series

Parks and Recreation

I seriously debated putting 30 Rock in the top spot, if only because its victory lap of a final season has so far been stellar, but then Parks and Recreation came out with "Halloween Surprise," and just . . . good sweet god, there will never be as sublime a moment of television as when Leslie (Amy Poehler) is proposed to in her dream home. Some other close contenders: RuPaul's Drag Race's stellar fourth season and Key & Peele, if only for their deliciously dark LMFAO satire.

Runners-up: 30 Rock, RuPaul's Drag Race, Key & Peele

Best Album

Frank Ocean's Channel Orange

Usually when people talk about Frank Ocean's Channel Orange, a lot of the focus is on what the album means rather than the album itself. Yes, it was marked by Frank's coming out, and it was one of the first outings by an openly gay R&B artist in a field that isn't all that gay-friendly, but none of that would matter if Channel Orange wasn't a really good album to begin with.

Runners-up: Fiona Apple's The Idler Wheel..., Jessie Ware's Devotion, Sleigh Bells' Reign of Terror

Hottest Guy

Joe Manganiello

Yes, the star of Magic Mike was Channing Tatum, but let's face it: everyone wanted to jump on Joe Manganiello's Big Dick Richie. I mean . . . fuck. FUCK.

Runners-up: Brendon Ayanbadejo, Matt Bomer, Chris Kluwe

Hottest Woman

Jennifer Lawrence

The perfect balance of cute and bombshell, with a quirky personality, a pretty stellar resumé and a candidly refreshing sense of humour.

Runners-up: Emma Stone, Mila Kunis, Zoe Saldana 

To say Rob Ford was pretty much checked-out for the duration of his stay in office is kinda like saying we got a bit of snow over the past week. Ford has handled his duties as a mayor with about as much passion and dedication as a parent sitting through their kids' elementary school play, and unfortunately, when you see the maintenance of an entire city as an obligatory nuisance, it usually doesn't end well.

But for some reason, after Ford was ousted from his office a few weeks back after a highly publicized conflict-of-interest case, Ford is already gunning for a reappointment to the status quo, presumably so he can go back to doing . . . What exactly did he do before?

Reversing his previous position, Rob Ford now says he wants council to reappoint him as mayor, not call a byelection, if he is forced out of office.

“It’s up to the council. They’re going to either appoint somebody or we’re going to have a byelection. They have two options, and hopefully I’ll get appointed — hopefully I’ll win the appeal, and if I don’t, then hopefully I get appointed. If not, then we have to go to the polls,” Ford said during an unscheduled call to Newstalk 1010 on Thursday. [Source]

Granted, Ford shouldn't be reinstated, if only because this is someone who proudly stated in his own hearing that he has no clue how to do his job, but chances are, he probably will be. Why? Because it's easier, faster and cheaper just to reinstate him. Rob Ford is like the rerun of The Big Bang Theory you watch for no reason whatsoever: it's not your favourite thing in the world, and there are much better alternatives out there, but then you'd have to get up and change it, and I mean really, why bother?

Yes, I know, let's get this low-hanging fruit of a joke out of the way before we begin: hung like a horse. There, I didn't enjoy that and neither did you, but . . . Let's just move past this, okay?

In case you weren't 100 percent sure that reparative therapy was complete bullshit, a Virginia church is promising to "cure" men of their homosexuality by -- and I swear I'm not making this shit up -- making them jack off horses. Oh my fuck.

The Cowboy Church of Virginia, led by chief pastor Raymond Bell, believes homosexuality and other "addictions" can be cured by Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.

Horse therapy, in the right hands, can be used to help overcome fears, develop communication skills, and is generally beneficial to mental health.

But Bell says the horses in his church, a cowboy ranch in the south, are part of teaching men to stop being gay and encourage them to be more masculine. [Source]

Wait, so they're trying to cure homosexuality by replacing it with bestialisty? The hell? How is that better? That's like trying to cure people of their left-handedness by making them punch orphans in the face with their right hands: it doesn't actually work, but it does probably make you a worse person.

If the dwindling number of days left on your calendar hasn't tipped you off yet, 2012 has almost come to an end. I know, that did go by rather quickly, didn't it? Go figs. And since there's no better way to close off the year than by condensing it into easy-to-swallow top-10 lists, here are the top 10 best queer singles of the year.

#10 - Zebra Katz's "Ima Read" (featuring Njena Reddd Foxxx)

Hip hop has never been the most welcoming place for queer people, but in a surprising twist, this year saw a huge swell of gay rappers entering the limelight. You can attribute it to talent or the resurgence of ball culture, but either way, Zebra Katz's "Ima Read" was fucking fantastic. As a celebration of the art of reading, "Ima Read" was clinically matter-of-fact in its blistering insults as it rode a simplistic, rubber-band ball bounce of a beat. The library is now open.

#9 - Hunter Valentine's "Liar Liar"

While the gays took over hip hop, punk rock remained firmly the realm of lesbian and trans women, with punk mainstays Hunter Valentine releasing a terrific new addition to their hit list with "Liar Liar."

#8 - Le1f's "Wut"

Few music videos were quite as Tumblr-baiting as Le1f's "Wut," which featured the New York rapper spitting fire over a relentless assault of twerking, voguing and -- in what is easily one of the most inspired mind-fucks of the year -- Pikachu-masked muscle men.

#7 - Gossip's "Move in the Right Direction"

After Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto enjoyed a brief flirtation with haute couture as fashion's It girl a little while back, it only made sense that the band's sound would inch away from the bluesy swamp-rock of Standing in the Way of Control in favour of something a little more pop-happy and polished. Regardless, "Move in the Right Direction" held on to what made Gossip great while adding a sugar coat to their work.

#6 - Azealia Banks's "Fierce"

Category is . . . GLAMOUR. Few tracks fully embraced house culture the way Azealia Banks's "Fierce" did. Sampling Franklin Fuentes's "Fierce Talk," and backed by a fan-made video featuring clips from Paris Is Burning, "Fierce" was a master class in serving eleganza extravaganza, as demonstrated in the bridge, as Banks switches from laughing to snarling rap in the space of a single breath.

#5 - Tegan and Sara's "Closer"

There's a reason the video for Tegan and Sara's "Closer" centres on an '80s karaoke house party, complete with a massive, fuzzy-screened TV: the influence of John Hughes movies on the track is undeniable. "Closer" is three-and-a-half minutes of the kind of wish fulfillment only seen in the closing shot of a brat-pack movie.

#4 - RuPaul's "Glamazon"

The only thing more surprising than the video for "Glamazon" -- which features 100-foot-tall drag queens murdering a who's who of big-name celebrities using giant high-heeled shoes and tuck attacks -- is just how enjoyable RuPaul's "Glamazon" was. It's a shimmering, dazzling pop masterpiece, easily beating out anything put out by the likes of Katy Perry, Demi Lovato or Taylor Swift. 

#3 - Against Me!'s "Transgender Dysphoria Blues"

When the lead singer of Against Me! came out as transgender, fans might have been shocked, but let's face it: the presence of Laura Jane Grace was always flitting just outside Against Me!'s earlier work. So when she finally emerged, Against Me! really came into its own as a band. As the lead single off the upcoming album of the same name, "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" marked the beginning of Against Me!'s reign as a truly transcendent rock outfit.

#2 - The Scissor Sisters' "Let's Have a Kiki"

All right, yes, maybe this song was run into the ground a little bit, between the Glee cover and the air-play and whatnot, but you can't deny the song is still a lot of fun. Sure, the Scissor Sisters may be on hiatus, but at least they left us on good terms.

#1 - Frank Ocean's "Thinking About You"

It wasn't enough for Frank Ocean to be one of the first mainstream R&B acts to come out as a lover of men. He had to punctuate the high-profile outting with one of the most critically acclaimed, emotionally honest albums ever released. Channel Orange was one of the few modern-day mainstream masterpieces, and "Thinking About You" cemented Frank Ocean as one of the last real artists to make accessible music.

Sure, no major athletes came out this year, but 2012 was still a pretty good year for queer people in sports: tons of major league athletes openly talked about how they'd support openly gay teammates. There may not yet be an openly gay athlete, but at least the groundwork has been laid.

And according to HuffPo's Jon Paul Fiorentino, 2013 may see the first openly gay athlete, if the change in sports culture is any indication.

In women's sports, the tide has already started to turn. Olympic soccer player Megan Rapinoe came out this year and received an outpouring of support by her teammates and fans. The men are lagging behind. I believe this has to do with to an outdated code of secrecy, shame, and silence that pervades professional sports.

Men have been stunted by the notion of traditional "family values" that is conjured when participating in sports as fans or as athletes. Indeed, hatred (dressed up as traditional values) led to a Emmitt C. Burns Jr.'s repellant attempt to suppress another American's right to freedom of expression by claiming to speak for the traditional "fan base." As Frank Bruni points out, "The possibility that coming out might rankle management or sour fans ... keeps gay athletes in the closet."

It appears that the culture of professional sports is still largely a culture of bullying. But thanks in part to Ayanbadejo and Kluwe, as well as Patrick Burke's groundbreaking "You Can Play Project" (whose slogan "Gay Athletes. Straight Allies. Teaming Up For Respect" says it all), the culture is changing. These activists have elevated the discourse in a world that is notorious for its rigid, limited, and archaic notions of heternormativity. 

Personally, I'm really hoping that Brendon Ayanbadejo was actually gay this whole time. I mean, my god, have you seen that man? That is just an impossibly gorgeous man.