Willam!

Nah, I'm just fucking with you. The real winner is Sharon Needles. Yes, the spooky goth queen who eschewed bland fishiness for the sake of intelligent, funny shock performance won the crown. And I couldn't be any happier. Well, unless she were co-winner with Chad Michaels. And someone kicked That Bitch Phi Phi in the shins. But still, this was good too.

I'll go into more detail tomorrow, discuss the reason Willam got kicked off (she was fucking her husband. Yeah, that's really the reason. Seriously) and continue to ask how exactly That Bitch Phi Phi got as far as she did. But for now, SHARON NEEDLES MOTHER FUCKERS. GET SOME. 

Apparently there are, in fact, people who read Playboy for the articles. (HA! Just kidding! It's boobs. The only reason Playboy exists is boobs.) Grant Morrison, a DC Comics writer and the author of a new book called The Super Psyche, was recently featured in the magazine, where he gave his two cents on the background and ideologies of various comic series, including the inherent gayness of Batman.

Gayness is built into Batman. I’m not using gay in the pejorative sense, but Batman is very, very gay. There’s just no denying it. Obviously as a fictional character he’s intended to be heterosexual, but the basis of the whole concept is utterly gay. I think that’s why people like it. All these women fancy him and they all wear fetish clothes and jump around rooftops to get to him. He doesn’t care — he’s more interested in hanging out with the old guy and the kid.”

Personally, I'd like it if Batman were gay, but that's mostly because he's hot and rich and built like a brick shithouse. The only downside is that, simply put, Batman himself is kind of boring. I mean, he's badass in and of himself, but here's a quick quiz: ask someone who their favourite character from the Batman universe is. Chances are, no one will actually say Batman. Oh Batman, will you ever win? . . . Probably not. Oh well, at least we'll always have Batgirl.

If you've ever read the Bible, you've probably figured out by now that it's . . . Oh, how do I sugar coat this nicely? Well, the Bible has certain parts that are kind of crazy. Like, the kind of crazy that, if you pointed it out to an actual Christian, would make them go, "Oh, holy shit, THAT'S what I believe in?"

I know that sounds unfair, but that's actually happened many times in the past when I've spoken to other Christians. Go figure.

Recently, Dan Savage spoke at a high school journalism conference where the topic of queer youth suicide came up. Dan basically told everyone that most, if not all, of these suicides stemmed from gross misinterpretations of the Bible by assholes who pick and choose choice quotes from the Good Book for the sake of validating their hatred.

Of course, some people didn't take the frank and accurate appraisal of the Bible all that well and walked out on the conference. We'll just call them "future Fox News employees." Admittedly, I can see why they would be offended, but as I've always said, it's easier to be offended than it is to think. That's why the internet has comment sections. But the thing is, if these kids who walked out actually thought about what Dan said, they probably would have realized he was right.

Did he maybe word it in a strong way? Yes, he did. But if a stern talking to and brutally honest look at your own belief system might prevent a kid from killing himself, then maybe it would be for the best if you sit down and practise a little introspection rather than assuming that it's never your fault.

Call me old-fashioned, but there's nothing hotter than a punk rocker with a brain and a decent sense of morality. Like Henry Rollins. Rollins has made more people hard than rigor mortis, he makes kickass music, and he's also a supporter of anti-bullying measures.

And he recently made a video for Big Think, where he tells kids who are struggling due to circumstance to stick in there and work hard. Because yes, the shit that's happening right now might be hard, or miserable, or unfortunate, but that's just for now. Like the saying says, this too shall pass. And it's a lot easier to believe in that when it's coming out of this guy's mouth.

As I'm sure you know, the leather community is known for its sense of humour and its willingness to not take itself too seriously. Hey, sticks and stones may break your bones, but chains and whips will strip the fucking skin right off your back, and if you can handle that, you can handle a joke. Anyway, tomorrow night is the Heart of the Flag Foundation's annual Leather and Laughter event at Goodhandy's, featuring Christina Walkinshaw, Marc Trinidad and me.

Yes, tomorrow night is my standup comedy debut. If you like me, come and support me! If you hate me, come watch me fail in front of a live audience and laugh as I'm hoisted by my own petard. Either way, you get a good show. So remember: tomorrow, 8 o'clock at Goodhandy's at 120 Church St. First hundred people get hugs!