Relax! There are many ways to find out your sexual orientation...
-- Stockholm Pride has a handy "hetero test" for Twitter users. I'm 15% hetero (must've been the day I went on about Megan Fox's breasts)!
-- The UK Bisexual Index has a series of leaflets, posters and info sources for those who like snails and oysters.
-- You could march in a gay pride parade but then get really mad when a journalist comments on it and demand an apology from the paper's spineless editor who reprimands said journalist in an embarrassing display for the entire profession in Canada. Nah, that's too ridiculous to ever really happen.
-- But the most enjoyable way to see if you're gay, straight or in-between would be to measure how many minutes you'll watch of this video featuring Freddie Stroma, costar of 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' (I made it 85% of the way through!):
It's important to find out what you want most because life's too short not to. Why, just look at all those years wasted before Stephen Harper and Pope Benedict XVI were married this week in a small Catholic ceremony in Vatican City:
It was a beautiful ceremony -- the bride wore white and, in an amusing moment, Harper said he not only ate that communion wafer but was now ready to put all sorts of Catholic things in his mouth. Benedict giggled like a schoolgirl, the assembled crowd laughed in delight (because, by Irish law, the Pope cannot be questioned) and the two lovers pressed their thin lips together. It was magic!*
* and, of course, all a giant lie. Please don't send lawyers or Kathy English after me!