Okay Twilight fans, stop hyperventilating over tomorrow's release of New Moon and please explain something to me.  You've got the half-naked wolf pack and sexy costars Peter Facinelli and Kellan Lutz pretending to be lovers in front of the cameras:

With all that eye-candy, why then does everyone focus on spindly bedhead boy Robert Pattinson?  I mean, good Liza, have you seen the magazine racks this week?  He's on every cover!  And you know it's getting bad when you spot this next to Macleans:

Looks like I'm not on Team Edward.  But then what do I know?  I look at this new video from goofy power-poppers Valley Lodge and dream of furniture better than my Ikea:

Well, maybe some fantasies are better left alone.  Kind of like how Utah Senator Chris Buttars just used the right-wing's favourite paging-Doctor-Freud catchphrase:

"I don't mind gays. I just don't want 'em stuffin' it down my throat all the time."

Ahem.  I guess he's more of a Jacob man.

But for a fantasy world you'd really want to live in, we turn again to Dolce and Gabbana, the only men brazen enough to use a threeway to sell watches:

Chances are, if you're reading this, you're not in the closet.  At least I hope not.  It's dark and cramped in there and the secrets smell like old socks left in the back corner.

But it's one thing to know that life is better without secrets and quite another thing to actually figure out when and how to let go of them.  That's where a guy like Howard Bragman comes in -- he's a publicist in LA who helps celebrities come out.  I traded emails with him a couple years back when basketball player John Amaechi made the brave decision to go public about being gay and Bragman made the process easy for everyone concerned.

For those not famous enough to need a PR guy or rich enough to afford one, however, we have True Love Lies, the new play from Edmonton-born Brad Fraser in which the sexual secrets of an entire family come spilling out in hilarious and poignant ways:

Debuting in the UK last year, now running in Toronto until Nov. 1 and hopefully being restaged elsewhere after that, this loose sequel to Fraser's classic Unidentified Human Remains and the True Nature of Love begins as a zippy post-nuclear-family sitcom before growing into something far stranger and sadder as the characters (beautifully played by the terrific ensemble) each wrestle with not only what secrets they're hiding from each other but also what secrets they're hiding from themselves.

We don't look at a lot of theatre here on the Roundup (preferring to leave that to the mighty Rob Salerno) but seeing this play after reading the big writeup on Bragman and his efforts to free Hollywood types from their own prisons only made its themes stand out even more -- the truth shall set you free...sort of.

We tend to believe that whether that truth is something unpleasant (like learning that the potential HIV vaccine is a dud) or something controversial (listen for the sound of shrieking girls as Esquire magazine insists that the Twilight vampires are gay) or something awkward (the British tabloids going to town on further details on the death of out singer Stephen Gately), one must reveal all, but one of the most provocative things about True Love Lies is right there in the title -- for the sake of those we love, some secrets are better kept.

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage riffed on this notion a while back and, just for kicks, I'm reprinting it here today because it's so valuable.  Savage is one of the gay community's great truth-tellers so it's weird to hear him argue on behalf of illusion:

Ultimately, all these men are asking the big questions:  who do we lie to, when do we tell the truth and how do we know the difference?

Yeah, that's right -- we're not afraid!  So here:

-- the Barbra Streisand Barbie Doll is a must-own!

-- the Lambda Literary Foundation is wrong in its decision to refuse awards to heterosexual authors

-- I still refuse to see the next 'Twilight' movie, even after the new poster:

-- Kyle Freeman is an activist hero for counter-suing Canada Blood Services after lying about his sexual orientation

-- Kylie Minogue is God:

(actually, that last bit's not controversial at all, now is it?)

A growing 'asexual pride' movement seems to think so, as the whoopie-adjacent are now demanding society stop discriminating against them for, umm, what they're not doing.

But when I see today how gay sexuality is being used as a cheap ratings stunt for 'Gossip Girl' (hey, gay guys are the new lesbians!), I can see how the asexuals do have a point.  We all know that sex is mostly just used to sell stuff, like with this cheesy clip of "Twilight: New Moon" actor Alex Meraz making the rounds on the internet:

I am not seeing that movie and I don't care how many shirtless boys they throw at us to make us!

Then, of course, there's the serious part -- the harrowing news of one new study from the US that says gay men and other men who have sex with men contract AIDS at a rate more than 50 times greater than women and non-gay/bi men (condoms, people, condoms!!) and another finding that circumcision is not the defense against HIV some have believed.  On the bright side, I guess I can cancel that surgery appointment!

Even dating can be a nightmare (hearing this, I'm so glad I'm not a single straight girl!) and one starts to wonder if Penelope Cruz and Pedro Almodovar have the right idea.  Can you really party without sex?  And if so, does it mean having to listen to Miley Cyrus?

Could you really live without it?

Oh nice try, "Twilight" people -- you know perfectly well I have no interest in the movie or the books (based on my twin allergies to Mormon allegory and awful prose) but then you go and debut the film sequel's new pack of werewolves:

Great to see some sexy Native men on our screens but sorry Edward, sorry Jacob, I will never love you!

Right now, my heart belongs to FOX News' Shepherd Smith (yeah, I said 'FOX'), who broke away from his conservative pack when he just couldn't take their excuses for torturing people anymore.  Seriously, Smith's my big hero today:

Pack behaviour can be hard to break.  Buzzfree Prom, a Texas-based non-profit aimed at getting high schoolers to drink less on the big night (yeah, good luck with that) went for a provocative ad that misfired badly:

We gays can take a lot of abuse but mixing an orange jumpsuit with a fuschia corsage? That is pushing us to our limits!  When asked about using the fear of prison rape to motivate young people, the ad's creator said, "If you find it homophobic, that's your opinion."

Ah yes...opinion.  Often mutable and easily swayed, usually when in groups.  That's the pack mentality.  It's what drives homophobia and all the various fears of minorities but fortunately, opinions can change and new packs can be created.  I love the feeling of unity-in-diversity inherent in this new ad designed to defuse the white-hot gay marriage debate in Iowa:

No packs, just people.  I'll have more on this tomorrow...