The trouble with activism is that sometimes you get so consumed by the cause that you forget the process along the way.  Oftentimes, especially in political arguments, more heat than light is generated.  I know I've been accused more than a couple times of overreacting to some banal bit of homophobia and told our skin should be thicker.

But then along comes Jan Moir.

Today, the UK Daily Mail columnist decided to weigh in on all the speculation around the death of gay Irish singer Stephen Gately last week.  "Natural causes" at 33?  Were drugs involved?  There was a third guy in the bedroom?  Such gossip is normal, I mentioned a bit of it myself yesterday, but Moir's column went one better -- delivering perhaps the most viciously homophobic rant I've ever read in a major newspaper:

"Another real sadness about Gately's death is that it strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships...For once again, under the carapace of glittering, hedonistic celebrity, the ooze of a very different and more dangerous lifestyle has seeped out for all to see."

Oooh, you're so right, Jan.  It looked like this:

Raising questions about the circumstances of a man's death is one thing; attacking that dead man, massive groups of people and poor Matt Lucas for no reason and with no evidence is another.

In the delightfully immediate wave of outrage, "Jan Moir" became a trending topic on Twitter, media critic Charlie Brooker went to bat for us and Moir responded within hours -- though not with any apology:

"In what is clearly a heavily orchestrated internet campaign I think it is mischievous in the extreme to suggest that my article has homophobic and bigoted undertones."

Okay, let's all say it together: UNDERTONES???  Are you freaking kidding?  And I'd love to know this internet orchestrator I'm supposed to be taking marching orders from.

But hey, at least Moir's crocodile tears suggest more compassion than the death threats against us from reggae singer Buju Banton.  Just days after I attempted to praise the thug singer for at least meeting with gay activists, the Queerty blog now quotes him saying, "There is no end to the war between me and faggot."  After such Patton-like eloquence, looks like I'm calling off my shopping trip to HMV's dancehall section.

We can talk or snark or plea or reason all we want with people with Moir and Banton but the problem is just not one we can debate.  As author Neal Gabler wrote in a must-read column this week, right-wing politics have become a religious movement.  Liberals can discuss statistics or logic or truth all we want but the kind of raw, oily prejudice we're seeing is an angry kind of blind faith. 

What will it take to counter that faith?  More anger?  A religion of our own?  What we saw on Twitter today was certainly a wonderful start but, as always, we keep wondering how to get at the root at homophobia.  Otherwise, we're still at the mercy of reacting to every antigay lyric or opinion column that comes along.

Chances are, if you're reading this, you're not in the closet.  At least I hope not.  It's dark and cramped in there and the secrets smell like old socks left in the back corner.

But it's one thing to know that life is better without secrets and quite another thing to actually figure out when and how to let go of them.  That's where a guy like Howard Bragman comes in -- he's a publicist in LA who helps celebrities come out.  I traded emails with him a couple years back when basketball player John Amaechi made the brave decision to go public about being gay and Bragman made the process easy for everyone concerned.

For those not famous enough to need a PR guy or rich enough to afford one, however, we have True Love Lies, the new play from Edmonton-born Brad Fraser in which the sexual secrets of an entire family come spilling out in hilarious and poignant ways:

Debuting in the UK last year, now running in Toronto until Nov. 1 and hopefully being restaged elsewhere after that, this loose sequel to Fraser's classic Unidentified Human Remains and the True Nature of Love begins as a zippy post-nuclear-family sitcom before growing into something far stranger and sadder as the characters (beautifully played by the terrific ensemble) each wrestle with not only what secrets they're hiding from each other but also what secrets they're hiding from themselves.

We don't look at a lot of theatre here on the Roundup (preferring to leave that to the mighty Rob Salerno) but seeing this play after reading the big writeup on Bragman and his efforts to free Hollywood types from their own prisons only made its themes stand out even more -- the truth shall set you free...sort of.

We tend to believe that whether that truth is something unpleasant (like learning that the potential HIV vaccine is a dud) or something controversial (listen for the sound of shrieking girls as Esquire magazine insists that the Twilight vampires are gay) or something awkward (the British tabloids going to town on further details on the death of out singer Stephen Gately), one must reveal all, but one of the most provocative things about True Love Lies is right there in the title -- for the sake of those we love, some secrets are better kept.

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage riffed on this notion a while back and, just for kicks, I'm reprinting it here today because it's so valuable.  Savage is one of the gay community's great truth-tellers so it's weird to hear him argue on behalf of illusion:

Ultimately, all these men are asking the big questions:  who do we lie to, when do we tell the truth and how do we know the difference?

What can one do about protest shrinkage?  Xtra West reported this weekend on the Vancouver rallies on behalf of 62-year-old gaybashing victim Ritchie Dowrey, describing how "More than 2,000 gay men, lesbians and their allies took back Vancouver's West End."

But you wouldn't know it from reading the mainstream press: CTV declared that merely "hundreds of people" rallied (against an "alleged" gaybashing, no less), while the Vancouver Sun boldly pegged it at 800 and, my personal favourite, News 1130 lamely claimed, "Many people gathered in the West End Sunday afternoon."  I think they missed the protest and witnessed brunch.

Madonna was shown no Mercy (man, those headlines just write themselves!) as a Lilongwe high court judge ruled that allowing her to adopt a second Malawian orphan "could actually facilitate trafficking of children." Who knew Malawian orphans were a gateway drug?

Alaskan trash-hottie Levi Johnston appears on Tyra Banks' show today to explain why he's no longer with his baby's mother and how they had safe sex "most of the time." All of this, of course, is simply a Republican plot to make Sarah Palin look smarter.

Oh Seth Rogan, you know we love you -- fat, skinny, whatever -- but this SNL bit was just annoying:

"Queer as Folk" creator Russell T. Davies explains in an interview why Boyzone singer Stephen Gately said, "Feel my arse."  I'm lacing up my ice skates right now!

But of course the real groundbreaker this weekend was that Iowa Supreme Court gay marriage decision: "The Daily Beast" thinks it's the tipping point while the real fun is watching right-wingers try to wrap their heads around it.

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert continues the ludicrous meme (utterly shot down here -- thanks, Anonymous Liberal!) that hate crime laws will mean the eventual oppression of Christians:

"A large part of this is that many people do not understand the Christian heart. They just don't like people who disagree with them. The true Christian heart can disagree with people, and still love them deeply."

That is indeed true, Mr. Gohmert, but don't underestimate the gay heart -- we can disagree with people and still make love with them deeply!

Veteran gay journalist Rex Wockner says the weeklong protests following the vote to gay-marriage ban in California is "probably the most interesting thing I've seen on my beat as a gay-movement reporter since ACT UP." He wonders aloud if the massive protests planned this Saturday could become "Stonewall 2.0."

Why not? Gay Americans were second-class citizens in 1969 but now it's been written into state constitutions.  Act up?  It's time.  Here's the warm-up act from New York last night: 

The Mormon church is upset at being "targeted" for protest (consider it a 'gift-with-purchase' after the $22 million you spent!) but it's working -- many disgusted Mormons are now leaving their church over its bigotry:

Such a series would be a nice antidote to all this ugly politicking and, ewww, the return of Mark Foley and the discovery of yet another foot in BC (Seven?  Seriously?), an antidote like this sappy-but-welcome video for "Better," the new single from the Irish group Boyzone. For the first time ever, gay member Stephen Gately gets a male love interest alongside the boys and their ladies. It's a controversial choice: will including a gay couple destroy the sanctity of boyband videos?