Stock your cupboards and prepare for Y2GAY.

A hilarious new short film from Australia documents the manic efforts of a hobbit-like homophobe as he prepares for the coming of "Y2GAY" in a bunker stocked with "straight nonperishables" and Ricky Martin DVDs. His wife is less than enthusiastic about her husband's obsession.

The film was a finalist in Australia's Tropfest, the largest short film festival in the world.

Watch other finalists, including the winner, here.

Want to get your porn company some quick press? Offer a celebrity vast amounts of money (ideally, more than you can possibly afford) to star in an adult film.

Today, Raging Stallion Studios offered gay pop star Ricky Martin $1-million to film a sex scene with hunky Austin Wilde.

I'd love to see it happen... but really, it ain't gonna. 

RECENT HISTORY OF RIDICULOUS CELEBRITY PORN OFFERS:

- Levi Johnston was offered $100,000 for a solo porn video. Sarah Palin's former-son-in-law-to-be declined the offer and posed for Playgirl instead.

- Cezar Capone, self described "king of all MILF films," offered Sarah Palin $2-million to star in an adult film. Capone offered an extra $100,000 (and a snowmobile) for Palin's husband, Todd, to co-star in the film.

- Britain's Got Talent star Susan Boyle was offered $1-million to lose her virginity on film. The porn producer offered fans the chance to choose the title of Boyle's debut flick.

- "Octomom" Nadya Suleman was offered $1-million to star in a porn film. Wrote TMZ: "Octomom is used to having multiple people inside of her at once..." 

- Spencer Pratt, star of MTV's The Hills, was offered money to appear in a Lucas Entertainment film. "He was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster," said CEO Michael Lucas.

Singer Ricky Martin came out today, in a statement posted to his website: 

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.

For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive.  I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.

Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important," "it's not worth it," "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse," "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature." Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer, "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war... child slavery, terrorism... the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, it fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids were born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.

What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and a vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. 

As the great Morrissey once sang:

"Shyness is nice / but shyness can stop you / from doing all the things in life you'd like to."

How shy are you?  See where you fall on the following scale:

-- PATHOLOGICALLY SHY

Latin pop singer Ricky Martin, telling a gossip magazine "his heart could belong to a male or female."  Oh Ricky.  We still love you after all these coy, sexually-ambiguous years but seriously -- this is either the most protracted coming-out or the longest cock-tease in all of history.  Enough already!

-- VERY SHY

In a sad case of "pot, kettle," Barack Obama's timid support for the gay community has him getting schooled by the creator of "Will & Grace!"  Obama is so empty right now that, during a discussion of his policies on CNN, my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Dustin Lance Black getting barebacked by Anderson Cooper on the desk (is it just me?):

-- RATHER COY

An online ad for thongs that lets you "undress" the model.  When will these underwear companies just drop the pretense and start making porn?

-- UNDERSTATED

Cher, responding to questions about her daughter's decision to transition and become a man: "Although I may not understand, I will strive to be understanding. The one thing that will never change is my abiding love for my child."  That's so lovely, I cried on behalf of Cher, since she no longer has tear ducts.

-- ASSERTIVE

Me, reminding you of the fundraising party for the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation at the Beaver tonight.  Shameless, perhaps, but for a good cause!  Besides, it's not as though I made a plug for my own fundraising efforts yet again, right?

-- QUITE CHEEKY

Canada's own Ryan Reynolds -- the only man I'd leave Paul Rudd for -- isn't just frequently naked (though we'd love him just for that), he's also willing to be very silly, as in his 'Entertainment Weekly' cover shoot:

-- BOLD!

It's one thing to do a nude scene in a movie but how about on the subway?  While I'm not convinced the "half-outfit" truly is "sweeping through Asia," it's still fun to imagine zany pranksters going out like this:

-- UTTERLY SHAMELESS

Roland Emmerich, gay director of disaster epics "Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow," finally throws any last shred of sanity or artistic integrity out the window with his end-of-the-world opus "2012."  This guy's movies are crap but we just keep lining up because dammit, no one does ludicrous spectacle better than this:

So remember, "fortune favours the bold" and have a great weekend!