Gay political pundit Andrew Sullivan got so worked up over yesterday's release of Sarah Palin's memoirs, he stopped blogging.  I can totally relate -- I had to stop the Roundup for a day or two there to prepare for Amanda's return to Melrose Place last night:

No, in truth, our absence this week was due to something even bitchier -- a suprisingly nasty computer virus that, after two weeks, went rogue like Palin, seen here attacking her former potential son-in-law Levi Johnston for his eagerly awaited Playgirl spread this weekend:

Watching her say "porn" with as much acid as she can drip from her fangs makes me laugh as hard as I did over a recent study that the Catholic Church paid over $2 million for -- a study to prove that their child molestation scandals were caused exclusively by gay men, a study that proved exactly the opposite.  There'll be few extra collection plates being passed around this Sunday.

Sorry Sarah, but we'll be checking out Playgirl this week and, in a shocking twist, Playboy. They've got a fun feature on the How I Met Your Mother gang, featuring new Twitterer Neil Patrick Harris:

Let Palin be as cold as Alaska itself while she's out flogging her book -- we'd rather pay attention to the sunny queens of Bondi Beach, Australia:

Good news all around today -- for me, I capped off Celebrate Bisexuality Day by going to a preview here in Toronto of Buddies in Bad Times Theatre's sexy and scandalous new show Neon Nightz -- a wildly entertaining ode to the Montreal strip club scene in the '90s starring Sasha Van Bon Bon and Kitty Neptune:

And thanks to the wonders of the internet, I didn't have to miss out on last night's episode of Glee, featuring this utterly ridiculous and wonderful scene:

The show was hilarious and poignant and proof that the gays have taken over the airwaves.  Sure, I didn't think anything could top the news that Heather Locklear is returning to Melrose Place but there's also been the adorable coupling of frathouse roommates Calvin and Grant on the ABC Family college-life series Greek:

What amazes me is the lack of controversy over this show -- there's an interracial gay couple in a show on the aimed-at-teens ABC Family network yet not a peep from the wingnuts?  Ah, progress!

This is why this pop culture stuff matters, of course -- it's what's helping kids to now come out as early as eleven.  Now we get to see if all that "family values" talk really holds up as these brave kids demand support.

And finally, the best potential news of all:  successful trials of a possible vaccine against HIV!  As always, it's too early to celebrate but even other researchers appear dazzled by the news today.

Only trouble is, all this good news leaves me nothing to snark about, which is....what's that?  Stephen Harper skipped out on the United Nations for a visit to Tim Hortons?  When Canadians asked just how useless he could be, he said, "Double double?"  He thought Ban Ki-Moon meant order a cruller instead?  Did he tell the other world leaders he'd be there in a Timbit?

Oh that Stephen -- like Tim Horton's, he's always there for me!

It's been bizarre listening to Americans freaking out over President Barack Obama's address to schoolchildren today  -- in Canada, when our leader talks to schoolkids, they just turn awkwardly and look the other way:

And if American parents are so horrified at their leader supposedly imparting left-wing ideas on their children (ideas like working hard and getting an education), why then do these parents have no problem with TV turning their teens into slutty vampires?

Now I for one love slutty vampires but, as I eagerly await this Sunday's epic finale of 'True Blood,' even I have to admit to feeling a little, well, drained.  Time Warner, the giant media conglomerate that owns HBO, also controls half of the CW network that's set to debut 'The Vampire Diaries' this Thursday:

Is everything now about a beautiful teen girl in love with a broody, immortal vampire?  Probably, but then, the CW may not be the TV channel for me.  Tonight, after all, is the big premiere of their new relaunch of 90s trash favourite 'Melrose Place' -- but what hope can this new show have without the incredible psycho-glam of Marcia Cross?  None, I say:

Now that was great TV and consider this: the show ran from 1992 to 1999, all during Bill Clinton's reign of peace, properity and blowjobs.  Coincidence?  'Melrose Place' left the air, Bush become president. 

But now the show is back so why aren't the wingnuts screaming about that?  Time Warner's massive corporate propaganda machine is filling their kids' heads with tales of adultery, vampiric murder and hot, homoerotic monster-hunters yet Barack "Rolling Over on Health Care" Obama is their big villain?

The CW should really just give up -- for entertainment, silliness and insanity, their horror-movie soap-operas are outmatched by CNN.

Madonna has said that she plans to take her kids on a day-trip to the Auschwitz concentration camp so they can appreciate how good they have it.  Man, what's her idea of a punishment?  Making them listen to 'American Life' again?

Calgary-born actor Victor Webster is travelling down to LA to become the token gay character on the 'Melrose Place' revamp no one asked for.  At least he'll look good doing it -- who could forget his stint as Samantha's neighbour on 'Sex and the City?'

Vladimir Putin, Russia's greatest love machine, is swaggering around Siberia shirtless again. Ah, the mother country -- come for the vodka, stay for the meglomania!

Brazil is a lot more fun:  not only are the boys beautiful but you're completely free to pee in the shower.  Seriously, their creepy little children say so:

"We'll have something to talk about," teases a McCain campaign spokesperson, hinting at some game-changing revelation later today. Please. What, is McCain suspending his campaign again? One can only hope. For a man aiming at such a tough guy image, McCain really is a complete drama queen and, judging from his insane slip of the tongue yesterday, an unstable one. A new profile in 'Rolling Stone' has the whole sad story.

You know McCain's in trouble when he loses the country singers: while mentioning the 'True Blood' series yesterday, I forgot to salute "Bad Things," the show's sexy, twangy theme song by Jace Everett. On his blog, Everett writes, "I grew up an evangelical Christian in Grapevine, Texas...I was taught that Republicans were the party of Christianity in America; pro-life, anti-gay, low on taxes, pro small business, etc. As I got older, I realized that was mostly bullshit."

Being anti-gay, Everett continues, is "kind of like being anti-gravity. I mean, go nuts hoss, if you can fly I want to watch. But until all us breeders can learn to have a 0% divorce rate, maybe we should shut the fuck up. Don't get me wrong, I can't sit through 'Brokeback Mountain', but that's MY problem, not somebody else's." Cheers, Jace -- finally, a redneck we can all be proud of!

Speaking of rednecks, Stephen Harper tried to redeem himself (ie. prop up his flailing election campaign) by dropping the clause in Bill C-10 that would allow the government to deny tax credits to films deemed "immoral." We cheered for about twenty seconds before he next vowed to reintroduce the copyright reform legislation that could fine or jail you for copying your CDs to your iPod. Law professor Michael Geist has solid, reliable information and ideas proving that Harper is a complete jackass.

There are two things I'm sure of: comedian Wanda Sykes is fabulous and the teenage "That's so gay" line is like nails on a blackboard. Thankfully, the advocacy group GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) agrees with me on both:

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are back together! But which one gets to fuck Matt Damon?

I'm old enough to remember the infamous censored gay kiss from 'Melrose Place' but I've noticed, leafing through the TV listings, there's a whole wave of male couples on soap operas now:
-- Luke and Noah on 'As the World Turns'
-- Kevin and Scotty on 'Brothers & Sisters'
-- Kyle and Eric on 'General Hosptial: Night Shift'
-- John Paul and Craig on the UK's 'Hollyoaks'
-- Christian and Oliver on Germany's 'Verbotene Liebe'
These storylines are mostly too brief, chaste or stereotypical but hey, it's great to have something to do my ironing to!

And finally, designer Matthew Inman's 'Eight Phases of Dating' is a complete scream: