Controversial questions abound (all of it NSFW)!  What do you think on today's issues:

You've got to admire the awesome gall of Wall Street bankers who ruin their companies, get bailout money from the government, give it to their failed leaders in bonuses, and then whine to the New York Times about how poverty-stricken they are!  Could you get by on only $500,000 a year?  I suppose I'd have to stoop to buying Starbucks instead of paying my flock of Colombian boys to roast coffee beans in my condo...

An advisory council is about to deliver a report to the UK Home Office urging that ecstasy be downgraded from its current, highest criminal category. The report was originally due last week but the researchers couldn't stop making out with one another.

I prayed we were done making fun of Christian Bale's meltdown and little David's drugged-out trip home from the dentist but some sick genius fused the two together!  Is he hero or madman?

Two performers mysteriously absent from last night's Grammy Awards were Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown, who turned himself in to police earlier that day on a domestic violence charge (either Rihanna or some other woman, police won't say). Sad stories like these just prove why we must save people from the sick and destructive lifestyle of heterosexuality.

Excommunicated Bishop Richard Williamson has been welcomed back into the Catholic Church, provided he renounces his claim that the Holocaust never happened. Despite his regret at the "distress" he's caused the Pope with his views, Williamson refuses, saying he needs "proof" that the systematic murder of Jews, gypsies and homosexuals truly happened. Well, Bishop Williamson, allow me to show you inside this gas oven over here...

Remember when US pundits were debating whether Barack Obama was black enough?  I bet these soundbites from his audiobook make them feel silly now:

"Milk" writer Dustin Lance Black won the Best Screenplay award at this weekend's Writers Guild of America awards. Black says Harvey Milk inspired him to write and urged the gay community to re-energize ourselves and fight for equality. Dude, I would totally like to but "Project Runway" is on!

But the one thing we can't debate is that the Pet Shop Boys are back with a new single and they're completely right:  you need more love!

Today's news is just stuffed full of things we didn't see coming...

Not content with being a lust object for woman and gay men, Jude Law will appear in Sally Potter's next film as the aptly named "Minx":

I'm not surprised by the "Ex-Homosexual" T-shirts available from the "Passion for Christ Movement" (heavy sigh) but seeing their hip, young, black models in "Ex-Masturbator" shirts is deeply weird: "We pray that you will join us in breaking the silence on an issue that has stayed silent for too long."  Not long enough, I'd say.

Speaking of getting down with the kids, there's scandal in the Roman Catholic church this week with the revelation of a high-ranking priest having illicit sex.....with a woman! Turns out he may not have been molesting children, but fathering them.

In other unlikely developments, Skate Canada is now trying to butch up figure skating.  For instance, they're no longer called sequins, they're "armour beads."

I didn't expect to be on Day 3 of the Christian Bale "Terminator" explosion but after all the debates and the dance remixes, now we get the YouTube mashups -- Bale's rant has been hilariously mixed with infamous meltdowns from grouchy gasbag Bill O'Reilly and, better yet, an irritated-beyond-belief Lily Tomlin:

"Ziggy Stardust Remixed" is an odd internet surprise.  Has the legendary David Bowie album been embellished or embarrassed? (I'll admit to loving the MGMT mashup so far!)

And finally, the day's most shocking surprise: the sex in porn is not how people actually have sex!  (I've been doing it all wrong!)  Check in on this cute site and learn a thing or two!

Have truer words ever been spoken?  Everybody loves David after the dentist:

Well, maybe not everybody -- some of the Boing Boing commentators are crying exploitation but please, get a grip, people.  After all, there's a website called "Preteen Child Model Land" (that will I NOT be linking to) out there.

Strange how it's the little things that can be so controversial.  People are still talking about the recording of Christian Bale's on-the-set freakout and, more importantly, making fun of it!  There's the Christian Bale Soundboard to let you play your favourite bits of profanity and, of course, the NSFW Dance Remix:

The Guardian newspaper is upset at Morrissey's choice of sleeve art for his new single:

I'm just sad those are 7" records, not 12, but "I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris" is a terrific song.

Need news of the catfight between Hilary Duff and Faye Dunaway?  Of course you do.

Actress Vivica A. Fox is trying to duck controversy over her decision to sell out and join the Psychic Friends Network.  She hilariously claims that they did it all without her permission (well, they ARE psychic) even though there's video of her ad!

Remember how, last week, I said I was done writing about the crazy sexuality of Ted Haggard?  That was before the even crazier revelations about his sexuality.  Offering up his daughter for marriage to the young guy he wants to plow?  That's controversial!

But for a topic truly worthy of coffee talk, we can mull over the Swedish HIV study that claims that HIV-negative guys who perform oral sex on their positive partners develop antibodies that make them immune to their partner's particular strain of HIV.  There's a catch, warns Elizabeth Pisani, but it's all certainly fascinating -- even more controversial than Hilary Duff!

Ugh.  We're all feeling it.  Too much winter, too much snow, too much cold.  We're hearing about the Mexican witchhunt on priests with AIDS, that creepy woman with the 14 children, the terrible American remake of "Absolutely Fabulous" coming down the pike and we fear that if Peter Hitchins doesn't learn the true meaning of "tyranny" sometime soon, we're gonna lose it like Christian Bale on the "Terminator" set:

But hold on!  Spring is coming!  And there's lots of little ways to keep smiling through the cold, grey days to come...

-- you could laugh as hard and long as I did over Stephen Colbert's take on the first lesbian Prime Minister of Iceland:

"How many Lesbian Prime Ministers can the world handle? We already have Canada's Steven Harper."

-- you could watch muscle models make an underwear fashion video:

-- you could hack into the football cable TV signal and stick in some porn!

-- you could dance with some US Army guys who appear to be asking and telling:

-- you could let Perez Hilton find you a man with a huge penis...oh wait, it's David Spade.  Nevermind.

-- you could bake a rainbow cake. Delicious!

-- you could find lots of sex online, like the girl in this hilariously overwrought and judgmental UK news article.

-- or you could sing along with Annie Lennox!  After her last, rather depressing album, it looks like Stella got her groove back:

Though we all strive for common ground, there are just so many things that people will never see eye to eye on. For instance...

-- Some will find Angela Lansbury's morning routine screamingly funny; others will find it screamingly horrific:

-- The Pope has reinstated a bishop excommunicated 20 years ago, believing he got a raw deal; we can't help but notice the guy is a Holocaust denier who hates women, gays and even "The Sound of Music!" How do you solve a problem like a Nazi?

-- The Canadian parliament is finally back in session today. Some of us are eagerly awaiting the results; others are disappointed to learn that Canada was not actually taken over by Barack Obama last week.

-- Dean Coxx says you can do gay porn without actually being gay; Tyra Banks makes her "girl-I-don't-think-so" face:

-- disgraced evangelical leader Ted Haggard still insists he's heterosexual; the discovery of the second guy he was regularly having sex with, however, makes us think of Voltaire!

-- most of us believe that "Batman" star Christian Bale is not Kermit the Frog; one blogger with way too much on his hands says different:

-- and finally, we have Randy Thomasson of the (yawn) "Campaign for Children and Families," who whines:

"The homosexual activists never stop claiming to be victims, even when they have an iron stiletto heel upon your neck."

Let's ignore the fact that I totally want to see an all-drag-queen heavy-metal band called Iron Stiletto and instead lament poor Randy's sad, Bizarro World vision of gay people. It's so dark, so full of hate and lacking in joy. My vision of gay life has always looked more like this: