My beloved Pet Shop Boys kicked off their North American tour in Montreal on Saturday, then popped over to Toronto's Virgin Fest to perform a few classics:

But every mention of them this weekend expressed surprise that they're still around at all, which is pretty rich considering all the same-day praise showered on aging emo-kid Trent Reznor, the recent hype around Madonna's third greatest hits CD or, God help us, the new single from the Backstreet Boys.

Why pick on the Pet Shop Boys when there's a whole bunch of people who have seriously outstayed their welcome, people like...

-- Mischa Barton: the why-is-she-famous 'OC' actress says it was the pain from her wisdom teeth that drove her into rehab.  That's even less plausible than her lesbian plotline.

-- Dick Cheney: while getting a blowjob from FOX News' Chris Wallace yesterday, the Dark Lord of the Sith said he's "offended" by the idea of investigating him for war crimes. The actual war crimes, however, he's just fine with.

-- Mark Steyn: the why-can't-you-white-people-breed-faster-than-the-Arabs columnist is hopping mad that he can't sell his precious, precious sperm and he's blaming it on the transgendered. Or First Nations people.  I can't really tell so I'll just go with the Dutch.

-- did you know that Saturday was a new holiday -- Sarah Palin Day?  To celebrate, Glenn Beck went completely batshit crazy.

But these dreadful people are just the symptom -- so you know who really needs to just go away already?  God.

You see, God, if you're listening (and the nuns told me you are), it's not that we're not grateful for everything you've created but just look at the people you inspire. Thanks to you, we've got the madness of Stephen Harper (yikes, that sounds familiar!), the egos of some seriously deluded football players, the Louisiana pastor who robbed Hurricane Katrina victims, and the new singing career of Heidi (Mischa Barton says, "Who?") Montag:

So handsome, so bitchy -- Anderson always makes me feel better.  But so does this lovely story from Portland, Oregon -- where United Methodist Church Rev. David Weekley revealed to his parish yesterday that he was born female.  Weekley told his congregation about his 1974 sex-change operation (to massive applause and support) and says, "God got me through." 

Oh all right, God, if the Reverend likes you, I'll let you hang around with the Pet Shop Boys.  You did, after all, shine your sun on Ottawa Pride this weekend but seriously, can't you do something about your fan club?  Or is that why you gave us Lily Allen? Mysterious ways, indeed...

There's usually no shortage of opinion here on Xtra.ca but some days, I can only nod and agree with others.  For instance...

Montreal Simon explains why Stephen Harper is a monster.  Yeah, what he said.

Fans of the tell-it-like-it-is UK teen drama 'Skins' are appalled at plans for an American version. Forget filling the gay part with a teen actor as instantly ideal as Mitch Hewer (below), I can't see MTV going anywhere near the infamous scene where the straight boy gets curious.

But speaking of troubled teens, Defamer gives director Gus Van Sant a dose of tough love as his follow-up to 'Milk' goes back to more angst-ridden kids.  Seriously Gus, even the teens don't care about themselves this much!

All this agreement, however, makes me feel like a lemming!  Isn't there someone I can disagree with (I mean, other than my usual beef with Rush Limbaugh, currently dancing on Ted Kennedy's grave)?

Ah, here comes conservative writer Rod Dreher, musing aloud that gay marriage is a bad idea because "the gays" have a different definition of monogamy than straight people do.  Oh Rod, you ignorant slut.  The meaning is the same, the marriages are the same and the straight and gay people who may wander away from monogamy (for whatever reason) are the same.

I'd be inclined to call Dreher an asshat but, with that unique gay vocabulary of ours, he'd probably think it was a compliment.  We'll just have to agree to disagree.

A growing 'asexual pride' movement seems to think so, as the whoopie-adjacent are now demanding society stop discriminating against them for, umm, what they're not doing.

But when I see today how gay sexuality is being used as a cheap ratings stunt for 'Gossip Girl' (hey, gay guys are the new lesbians!), I can see how the asexuals do have a point.  We all know that sex is mostly just used to sell stuff, like with this cheesy clip of "Twilight: New Moon" actor Alex Meraz making the rounds on the internet:

I am not seeing that movie and I don't care how many shirtless boys they throw at us to make us!

Then, of course, there's the serious part -- the harrowing news of one new study from the US that says gay men and other men who have sex with men contract AIDS at a rate more than 50 times greater than women and non-gay/bi men (condoms, people, condoms!!) and another finding that circumcision is not the defense against HIV some have believed.  On the bright side, I guess I can cancel that surgery appointment!

Even dating can be a nightmare (hearing this, I'm so glad I'm not a single straight girl!) and one starts to wonder if Penelope Cruz and Pedro Almodovar have the right idea.  Can you really party without sex?  And if so, does it mean having to listen to Miley Cyrus?

Could you really live without it?

For all our discussions around politics or culture or religion or education or health care or any of the myriad facets of the gay rights debates of the last forty years, the so-called "gay agenda" is really very simple.

This is what we're against:

This is what we're for:

Any questions?

As Ottawa begins gussying up for its ten-day Pride fest, we're seeing more than a few makeovers...

We've all seen those Terminator movies where cyborgs travel back from the future but the photo shoot for Adam Lambert's upcoming album cover makes him look like a Terminator from the Elizabethan era:

Meanwhile, Canada's most famous Mountie is again heading due south -- not to America, but to Hell.  Playing the Devil in the new TV series 'Eastwick,' Paul Gross is looking good in a suit:

Speaking of pretty Canadians, Hayden Christiansen is finally starting to put that 'Star Wars' debacle behind him through modelling, though he seems to have kept his Jedi powers:

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage is already easy on the eyes but we're waiting to see him glammed up for his new TV pilot for HBO.  

Further abroad, even Sweden is getting a makeover -- watching them try to be hip and sexy is adorkable:

But not every transformation is met with delight. Weighing in on the bizarre controversy over South African athlete Caster Semenya's gender, feminist writer Germaine Greer gets nasty:

"Nowadays we are all likely to meet people who think they are women, have women's names, and feminine clothes and lots of eyeshadow, who seem to us to be some kind of ghastly parody, though it isn't polite to say so. We pretend that all the people passing for female really are. Other delusions may be challenged, but not a man's delusion that he is female."

Now sure, I could be snotty and point out how such vicious transphobia is pretty rich coming from a woman who looks like this --

-- but hey, Makeover Monday means I should change too, getting serious and putting such snide cheap shots behind me.

Until tomorrow!