It's Day Three of 'Torchwood: Childr---oh wait, that was last week.  No, it's Day Three of something far more important: the Friends for Life Bike Rally that winds from Toronto to Montreal over six days in support of the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation (never too late to pledge me, hint hint!)

I'm in lovely Kingston, Ontario at the moment, typing away at the aptly-named Queen's University. A couple hundred homosexuals have descended upon the place and already exhausted the city's laundry, liquor and pedicure facilities.  Oh you think I'm joking.

There's been a great vibe around the campsites this year: after a rainy start on Sunday (SO WET!), the weather since has been perfect, really highlighting the lovely eastern Ontario countryside.  Too bad about the campsites themselves though:  the bugs have been abundant and often unidentifiable. I couldn't be more creeped out  so, as a city mouse, I find the camping utterly awkward.

But you know what else is awkward this week?  Apparently everything else:  I leave Toronto for a week and the place explodes, following news that the CiRCA nightclub that has so infamously failed its gay clientele these past couple years has now gone and booked dancehall singer Elephant Man, whose homophobic lyrics are uglier than his namesake!

Then there's the wardrobe malfunction suffered by US swimmer Ricky Berens in Rome this week.  Apparently, I can't post photos today (See?  Awkward!) but Andy Towle's New York has the sexy-funny shot.

Then there's the terrifying possibility that "Doc Bottoms' All-Natural Aspray" is not a joke.

Then there's the delicate question of what to say about Muslim health care workers who don't want to use hand sanitizer.  I would've thought that a religion that views dogs, pigs, gays and women as "unclean" would be all over the hand sanitizer but some are balking at touching the alcohol it contains.  All I can say is that your faith shouldn't have to lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Then there's the way I'm shoehorning in one last 'Torchwood' reference, as John Barrowman hammed it up for the hall of "Woodies" at the massive San Diego ComicCon this past weekend -- awkward!  In my defense, he did get a big full-on kiss from outgoing 'Doctor Who' David Tennant and it was adorable.  Tom Baker never kissed a guy!

And let's not forget the Massachusetts woman who's up on domestic assault charges for trying to forcibly impregnate her wife with a turkey baster!  If you think that's awkward, imagine next Thanksgiving!

But obviously I enjoy this stuff and hope you do too (except the Elephant Man thing, cause that's a guy we don't need in Canada).  Awkward can be awesome, especially if it's William Shatner reading it:

Hopefully, I'll be a bit more coherent than that by the time I spill into Montreal on Friday.  It's two more days of cycling and camping for me (you know the word) before a weekend in la belle province.  I'll be back on Tuesday with more news and silliness -- hope your next week is a lovely one!

You could make another badly acted gay indie movie, for instance, or you could make 'The Big Gay Musical:'

You could be a Christian church that actually challenges homophobia for once or you could put up a big billboard in San Diego about it:

You could have a wedding procession or you could have THIS wedding procession:

You could hold a funeral or you could hold a CLOWN FUNERAL:

You could go biking this weekend or you could bike from Toronto to Montreal for SIX DAYS:

Umm, yeah, that would be me.  Once again, I'm heading out this Sunday on the Friends for Life Bike Rally in support of the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation.  Blogging will be light next week as I struggle up hills, dash over potholes and -- yikes -- sleep in a tent!

You could wish me luck or you could please, please pledge me and donate to a fantastic organization working for a good cause.  So until we chat again, have a great weekend!

...yet I couldn't be more creeped out by --

-- the story on Salon about the American "Christian mafia" known only as "The Family."

-- the Tories' talking points on their cancellation of funding for Montreal's Diver/Cité fest -- they make less sense than a Sarah Palin speech!

-- Jesus' General exposing the furry, manly underbelly of Mormon homoeroticism:

-- the wave of media stories about the death of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Hey, I love dogs too but you'd think this one recorded albums with Quincy Jones.

-- the revelations about Jack Harkness' past in last night's episode of 'Torchwood' on Space that have upended his relationship with Ianto Jones -- fortunately, the three lead actors are still as chummy as ever, judging from the DVD signing in London this week:

Tonight's episode is the most disturbing yet as "The 456" reveal their gruesome secret. Check it out -- if only to distract yourself from the terror of "the Family":

Sure I could talk about the federal government's depressing yet utterly predictable decision to cancel funding for next week's Diver/Cité festival in Montreal but my head's still spinning from seeing Lady GaGa in this interview on German TV, wearing a coat from designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac made out of Muppets.  Where's PETA when you need them?

Now that's shocking.  I'm still not completely sold on the Lady (what is she doing that Cyndi Lauper hasn't already?) but I'm impressed at how instantly she's taken hold -- even the parodies of her appeared right away:

Oh, but then I saw this -- a right-wing parody of "Just Dance," using the song to attack US president Obama's spending policies:

I'm not an Obama zealot but watching this made me homicidal -- where the fuck were these amateur accountants when Bush was spending ONE TRILLION DOLLARS on a failed war?  He bankrupted America and his fan club is blaming his replacement?  And using a gay-favourite dance diva to do it? 

Even Stephen Harper wouldn't be such a pig -- he likes his assaults on liberal values less flashy.  Quietly cut funding with the stroke of a pen, Harper thinks, and the rest of Canada won't read his poker face.

Today, a disturbing number of things that just don't belong together, like:

-- Carrie Prejean and books: the former beauty queen has scored a big paycheque for her story of how the gays have silenced her.  Irony is dead.

-- MC Hammer and Twitter: 140 characters makes one for every minute of his career. 

-- Chris Brown and a teleprompter: he may be trying to beat criminal charges like he did Rhianna but blankly reading canned speeches? "Take You Down," indeed:

-- "Harry Potter" and voodoo: Geraldo Rivera on FOX News mixes the new movie, Christian exorcisms, "True Blood" and transphobia into a big gumbo of crazy:

-- Henry Louis Gates Jr. and, apparently, his own house: the renowned Harvard professor was arrested on a SAHWB (Sitting at Home While Black)!

-- Rick Astley and Nirvana:  here's where I give up though -- if loving this is wrong, I don't want to be right!